Up & Down

Well, Tuesday night Ryan had to end up working super late again. I got my calls made for the directory pictures and hung out with B. I also went and delivered some more Pampered Chef stuff.

Yesterday was a crazy day. B had pre-school and they had a teddy bear tea party where they got to take their favorite teddy bear to school, b/c they are learning about bears this week. He was so excited about it. When I picked him up he said, "that tea was delicious, it tasted like blueberries, because bears like berries" lol. He just cracks me up.

his teacher sent me this picture of him and his bear at the tea party. he is such a cheeser!

After I picked him up we had to go to Jasper to get a copy of my birth certificate for the cruise. My mom just knows she has mine somewhere, but can't find it in the safe with the others (hers, my dads, and brothers) so I figured I better just get a copy of it. Then we had to run to the license branch and get B's ID card made and me a new license b/c my address was still wrong on mine. Then we went home for just a little bit and the pampered chef consultant came over to pick up a few things that were hers she had ordered. I went to tan (trying to get a base tan so I don't get fried out on the ocean on the cruise!). When I got home it was time to get ready to go to small group. We sang at the nursing home in Loogootee last night. I hope those old people are couldn't hear me, b/c I'm quite possible THE WORST singer ever! I love to sing, but I'm TERRIBLE... and I'm NOT exaggerating either! It was fun and I love elderly people so I really enjoyed talking to them afterward. We got home earlier last night then normal from group and that was nice to have a couple hours to relax. I was in a much better frame of mind last night about things... Thanks to Rhoda-- who is always such an encourager to me. I needed it last night. I was feeling great about everything, but this morning I woke up in a down mood (and work has certainly not helped things today). I'm just being real with you guys today. I woke up just feeling helpless, like we're never going to get pregnant just basically down about everything. I'm letting the past (the 13 months of trying for Andon) come back and make me nervous and upset about starting to try again. I know that negative feelings don't help the situation, but honestly, it's just hard. My conversation last night was about this and Rhoda had me feeling good and back to "normal" when I left. The devil HATES when we are joyful. He hates when we do put all our trust in God and let Him control our lives. I know that this morning he is trying to steal my joy and make me doubt God's plan for my life. I know that I will have down days, but I will not doubt His plan. I will trudge through the ick and the down days and will come out on the brighter side of things. It's hard right now because one minute I'm feeling great and hopeful about life and the next I'm feeling down and worrying about the future. I hate being so up and down. I'm not telling ya'll this so anyone will feel sorry for me, I don't want that. I just want anyone else who is going through this to realize that they aren't alone. I also want all of you to pray for me. I know that prayer works.

Tonight Ryan has to work late once again. B & I are going to my brothers PAC (conference meet) at Gibson Southern. Hopefully it won't rain on us!

Zoo & a big update

Just a little update on the Knepp family. :)

Last week was a good week for the most part. Monday night I had supper w/ a couple of my friends and we visited and chatted. I LOVE THAT. It really lifts me up to be around them and just makes the rest of my week good. Especially since the end of the last week and the weekend and had been sort of rough. I'm so thankful Ryan understands this and doesn't mind if I do it every once in awhile (not that he can say much for all those fishing and hunting trips he takes for days at a time!).
Wednesday morning I didn't feel so hot (allergies) so I took B to pre-school and then came home and did a little laundry and mainly just sat around. That was nice for once! After I picked up B we had lunch w/ my mom and then came home and played. That night we had small group. It was nice to see everyone after missing the week before. Before small group we stopped by church b/c we got a letter saying Andon's stone had been set. It indeed was there. We put flowers in the vase and made sure everything looked right on it. I would of taken pictures, but it was POURING rain so I didn't. I will have to soon. There are three little Knepp babies right in a row... Andon, then Elijah (of Gary & Angie), and then Dalton (of Darin & April). It just breaks my heart that those mommies have to go there and visit their babies too :(. Watching those two moms though, who have both so kindly reached out and given me words of encouragment, really helps.

Brycen playing w/ the kitten "Jo-Jo outside on our day off Wed.
Last Thursday we went to the zoo for Brycen's field trip. They had fun, but I wasn't too impressed w/ the zoo. I'm not a big fan of birds and snakes, and that is what it seemed like there was the most of! Oh well, the kids still enjoyed it.

Joey & Brycen before we went into the zoo-- not sure what these faces are about! lol

B & Joey w/ the hats they made at the zoo.

B watching the giraffe-- this was his favorite (the giraffe licked his hand and he thought that was just too cool)

B's pre-school class

B loves his teacher Ms. Maria, he calls her "Ria". They were joking around in this picture.

Friday morning Ryan took B to Aunt Sonya's on his way to work so he could stay and play for the day. He had so much fun! After work we went over there and had supper and visited for the evening while the kids played even more (they really play SO well together) and us adults had a good time visiting. It was so nice b/c I miss them a lot when we don't get together!

Brycen and Miss Hailey Brooke playing baby (shhh.... don't tell Daddy!).

After we left we still had to go to Wal-Mart, it was way too late and we were exhausted, but I wanted to get it done.

Saturday morning I had to get up at the butt crack of dawn to go walk in a 3K walk for a fundraiser for the National Honor Society. It went really well and my brother ran in the 5K-- props to him for 3rd place overall! :) I'm not a proud big sister or anything! After that was over I went home and cleaned up some stuff around the house and sorted all my Pampered Chef orders (whew, that was a job!). I went and delivered some of those orders & then ran to Washington to get some last minute Mothers Day Gifts. I was sooo tired by the time I got home, but I finished cleaning, went to my parents to see my dads new truck and let B play over there for awhile, and then home. I fell asleep at 8:30 sitting up in the chair (i told ya i was tired!).

Sunday morning we went to church & then to Sonya and John's for lunch for Mother's Day (thanks sis!). After lunch we sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful day a bit. Then on home for me to prepare some food I was taking to my parents for Mother's Day supper. Mother's Day at our house wasn't too big of a deal (which is fine w/ me). B had made me a present at preschool and I LOVE IT. Ryan let me pick out some light fixtures for the entryway and hallyway (they were still the original 1974 & UGLY). I love the new ones in the boxes-- they still aren't up yet! lol. I'll have to take some pics of before & after when he gets them up. We are trying not to spend anything on the house right now since we don't know if it is going to be sold and if it is we don't want to put extra money into it, but I have sooo many projects I'm just itching to do, it's hard!

Grammy Knepp on Mothers Day

Sonya (my sissy) & I :) LOVE HER!!!!

Hailey, Brycen, and Papaw playing in the sandbox (hailey and b hiding from me)

Ryan, Jayce, and John Mark playing some sort of game?

My youngest niece (Mya Faith) watering the plants... it was TOO cute!

Last night Ryan had to work really really late. B & I went to my brothers track meet.

My bubby running the 3200 (2 mile).

Big Sister watching from the stands... this is my "nervous face"... I honestly get so nervous watching him I could LITERALLY puke!

Brycen Hunter at the track meet-- he is Uncle Joe's #1 Fan!

Well, I guess that's about all the updating I have for now... tonight I have phone calls to make for reminders for church directory pictures coming up Thurs., Fri. and Sat. & that's about all I have planned to do & I'm looking forward to a relaxing evening, b/c the rest of the week is busy busy!!

~Mothers Day Poem~

I found this on a blogging friends site. She has lost two precious girls in the past year and is currently 7 months pregnant with her 3rd answered prayer. This poem is for all us moms who have angels in Heaven. Today isn't quite as hard for me as what I think it is for some. I have Brycen and that makes things easier. I have him to cherish & to love on, BUT I still think of Andon and miss him today... wishing that mothers day card had two little boys names on it instead of just one. My heart this morning at church was with all the moms who have lost babies. Just Friday evening while walking out of work I was reminded once again that I'm not the only person that heart hurts from losing a child. A lady that works in another office at the court house sought me out and wished me a Happy Mothers Day and said she knew it might be a little hard, but to hang in there. She then told me she had lost her first child, a son (she has three adult children all girls) full term. I know God is using all these people who have gone before me on this walk to help heal my heart and remind me I'm not alone. It means SOOOO much when people reach out to me, share their heart, and just let me know they are praying or that they love us. I still need these reminders and when people take the time to talk to me, it just means the world... b/c I know that it isn't the easiest topic to bring up. Anyway, I've gotten long winded and didn't mean to, but I did just want to share this sweet poem. To all moms--Happy Mothers Day, to the moms who have babies in Heaven (no matter how far along you were or how old they were), my heart is with you today and I'm praying. LOVE YOU ALL.

Dear Mr. Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she's cried.
I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way,
to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you'll do your best
I have done all I can do;
to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.
JODY SEILHEIMER
Heartfelt Words by Jody
In Memory of Her Son, Cory

Show Us Where You Live-Living Room &/or Family Room

Today I am once again participating in Kelly's "Show Us Where You Live Friday". I really enjoyed looking at everyones kitchens last week. If you haven't checked out Kelly's blog, you really should! She always makes me laugh! This week is the Living Room and/or Family Room Edition, depending on what you have or what you want to show! We have both, but the pictures from the living room (we call it the front room) are from about a year ago, and the furniture is rearranged now, but oh well, you get the idea!

This is "the front room" or "living room" I guess you would call it. We used to spend all of our time in here, but since we have redone the "family room" we now are NEVER in here. Brycen does play down here quite a bit though. This is the room you walk into when you come in the front door. The entertainment center is not in the center of that wall anymore-- it's now in the corner sitting at an angle and I like it much better.

I would love to replace the flooring in this room, but that is a project we just haven't gotten to yet. Also I would like some end tables that match in here! lol. When we moved in from our much smaller (like 1/2 the size) house we didn't have enough end tables so we took a hand me down from my mom and I'm just to cheap to replace it!

This is looking up into the "family room" from the dining room (you go up two stairs to get here and B calls it "the upstairs" lol). I love all the natural light in this room. There are big double windows on each side (east & west) and then to the south (looking out back) there are the french doors you see. This room is a work in progress. When we moved in it had linoluem (sp?) on the floor and black and pink curtains and no furniture. It was hideous. In the fall we painted it and I love this color. Ryan also put up new white trim (that he made!)... he hasn't gotten around to putting up the crown molding yet though. We also got new furniture for in here in the fall and I love it! It's sooo comfy. The burgandy rocker/recliner is a new piece up here. When my Papaw passed away my Grandma didn't want it anymore b/c she wanted a smaller one and so we took it. At first I wasn't too sure about it, but it is really growing on me. It is always nice to have extra seating.

This is from the corner when you step up. To the left is B's messy toy area... he had a toy room until we had to fix that room as Andon's nursery... I don't want to change the nursery back into a toy room. Ryan was going to build a huge toy cabinet with pull outs for the back wall here, but that's a project that just hasn't gotten done. Any ideas for less clutter look?? I also hate the "spotlights" over by the TV, but they were in this room and it's such a large room that if we took them down it would be too dark. We've thought about doing can lights in here, but once again that's a project that just hasn't gotten done!

This is looking looking from the other corner. I would kind of like a coffee table for the big space in the middle, but the big space is where Ryan & B roughhouse and play a lot, soooo I'll probably just leave it. I would also like some new black end tables for in here. The basket you see down by the couch holds my "bill notebook" (i'm a little crazy when it comes to that bill notebook) my Bible, some books, etc... There is another basket you can't see b/c my purse is in the way, but it holds the remote controls.

This is looking from the seating area back down into the dining room. The door to the right (that still needs to be painted white) is into the laundry room which is in real need of a makeover, we have done NOTHING with it since we moved in and I hate it! The area to the left is the desk area, which we really do nothing at. We have a laptop now so we are rarely on the desk top (sometimes B plays games on it). Otherwise is a cluttered area that needs some work... (oh and Ryan's deer, can't forget that!) lol.

The picture looks crooked for some reason, but I don't think it is in real life. That is a picture of Ryan and I. Most people who come over don't even recognize me in that picture lol.

Decorations above the TV. I really am satisfied with this area now I think...

The wall w/ Andon's picture on it... I haven't been able to take down the pack and play yet that was all ready for him... I did put away the bouncer and stuff, but I just can't make myself take this down. Since we're hoping to get pregnant soon, it's kind of like our way of telling ourselves it will happen... No matter how silly that sounds! I guess it seems like if we take it down we're saying it's not going to happen. This sofa table is getting painted black instead of navy. I have the stuff to do it, just haven't done it yet.

My beautiful baby boy A :). We laughed when we decided on his name b/c we call Brycen "B" so we said now we would just need a "C". :) "Be Still and Know That I am God" is def. what I clung to in those early days/month. I still do have to tell myself that on a daily basis.

Our wedding picture wall :) (yes, that is B in our picture, he was 9 months old when we got married.) I loved our beautiful outdoor wedding!

Pictures on an end table. B's pre-school picture from this year, He was the crown carrier at Pike Central's Homecoming--look at that smirk, and B & My Papaw Richard.

Other deocrations on another end table. We got that box that says Hope on it w/ the cross (the other side has Faith and has a fish, and the other side has something else that I can't remember right now, but it's pretty cool) anyway, we got it from Brycen's daycare when Andon went to Heaven. That little lamp was from my mom and the picture Abby took of Ryan & B when we were doing B's pictures last fall and I LOVE IT!

View out of the french doors to our back yard... I really love it :)

Just another view of our back yard-- we spend a lot of time out here playing.

Well Thanks for coming and looking at our house. We love having visitors. :)

Show Us Where You Live-- Kitchen

I'm not sure how many of you read Kelly's Korner, but I know at least one of you does (Tera K.)! Anyway, she is doing "Show Us Where You Live Friday" (yes, I know that it's Tuesday, I'm a few days behind!). Show Us Where You Live consists of each Friday showing a different room of your house. You post your blog post on Mr. Linky back on Kelly's blog. Fun Idea! I LOVE checking out other peoples houses and how they decorate and all that good stuff so I'm sooo into this! This past Friday the room in your house was the kitchen. Now my kitchen is probably my least favorite room of our house. Yes, My Dear Sweet Husband is a cabinet maker by day... and NO I do not have nice cabinets. I have the original cabinets that came with our house and I DO NOT LIKE THEM! It's the one room I complain about all the time! Our first house had brand new custom cabinets and I LOVED THEM! Anyway-- maybe one day soon... (sweetie are you reading this?!) lol. No, Ryan doesn't read my blog, I'm just kidding! Believe me, he hears about it pretty much every day!

the view from the entry way

the view from the dining room

shelf w/ uppercase living above it

my napkin & papertowel holder & candy jar-- i registered for these at Olde Country Barn when we got married :)

a cabinet i also registered for at olde country barn when we got married. i keep my baggies, alum. foil, plastic wrap, etc... in here and also some extra wash cloths/towels (there are 2 shelves in there). the church on top has a switch and it lights up, the little saying says "believe" and the picture frame says "we are children of God".

~Now that you have seen my kitchen I hope you also go and do yours!! :)

G l a s s e s-- BOO!

*Friday* my mom and I went to Indy for my Great Aunt Toot's funeral. It was a very nice service with some soulful singing. I loved it. The rain held off long enough for us to go to the graveside service as well. It was nice to see some cousins and family that I don't see too often- I just wish it was a different circumstance. It was a long day b/c we drove there, had the service and drove home. We got home about 6:30pm. Ryan, B, and I went driving around and checking out some different properties that evening. I was so tired and sick of driving- but there wasn't really anything else we wanted to do.

*Saturday* Ryan mowed and I cleaned. B enjoyed playing outside since it wasn't raining. We went out to eat for a family friend (jeremy)'s birthday. We went to the Log Inn. I love that place--such a neat atmosphere. The three of us rode w/ my parents down there since my brother couldn't go b/c he had to work. We ate sort of early (around 5pm) so after we got back my we all went driving around looking at some more property again.

*Yesterday* we got up and got ready for church... my eyes were bothering me something terrible. Well by the time we got to Montgomery I couldn't keep my contacts in and my eyes were burning. We had to turn around and come home and didn't even get to go to church. I went home and put on my glasses (which I can't see out of b/c they are so old). We just hung out around the house. In the afternoon we decided to go get our Wal-Mart stuff & some stuff we needed at Home Depot. We ate supper at Fazoli's too. I love their breadsticks. lol. I hate wearing glasses, but then when I complain about it I feel bad, b/c at least I'm not blind with them on.

*Today* I am stuck wearing glasses again until at least after work then I get to run by the eye dr. and pick up some new contacts (mine are being ordered at this moment and not in yet!). I'm not sure if I will be able to wear them or not though... at least my eyes haven't been too itchy today. Work is super busy this week, IRS inspections are on Thursday. What fun, ha! This evening I have laundry that needs done and that's about all that's on my agenda! This week seems pretty slow--that we don't have much scheduled. Hopefully I can get caught up at work and at home!

B & Ty Ty (my BFF Vanessa's little guy). They stayed w/ Ryan on Thurs. evening while Vanessa & I went to a yard sale. Poor Ryan had his hands full :) They are so funny together-- just like brothers!

He wanted me to take pictures of him and Iz :)

And w/ Roscoe... this poor cat gets drug around everywhere-- but she doesn't seem to mind!

just catching up

Well, I'm not really sure what to write. I have a lot of "deep" feelings floating around my head & my heart, but I really don't even know what they are... so I think I'll just go with a post about our week.

Monday evening I had to get some stuff ready for my Pampered Chef party. Ryan mowed & B played outside w/ the dog and the kitten and jumped on the trampoline. We had a pretty nice evening, although it was full of "busy stuff".

Tuesday was hectic after work getting the final details worked out for my Pampered Chef party. I thought the party went really well and I am pleased w/ it! I haven't closed yet, so if you want to order something- let me know! We had a great turnout and a really fun group of people. It was a relaxing evening with GOOD food :) and who doesn't like good food and girl talk?! lol. Ryan & B went over to my good friend Vanessa's to hang out w/ her hubby Clint and little boy Tyler (clint and ryan are good friends too & so are our boys). They said the boys were angels for them so that was good! I was up late trying to pick out all the stuff I want to get, haha! I should of went to bed b/c I woke up tired yesterday.

Yesterday while B was at pre-school I came into work for a few hours. Then I went to pick out my new glasses at the eye dr. I couldn't do it on Fri. b/c my eyes were dilated I couldn't see! I hate myself in glasses so I couldn't find a pair that I just loved or anything, but the ones I got are "ok" and will do if my contacts are bothering me or something. After I picked up B we went to visit my mom at work and ate lunch w/ her. My brother was in lunch too and so B got to hang out w/ him which made him a happy boy! He loves his Uncle Joe! After that we went to look at some property that is for sale that we had heard about. Ryan hasn't got to see it yet, but I like it... we aren't doing anything though until we know something for sure about our house. We headed home and I did some laundry and B played & then we jumped on the trampoline. While we were hanging out outside I was watching our super old neighbor across the road mow his lawn and I was thinking "man he really shouldn't be mowing" (he is REALLY old & lives alone), just about the time I was thinking that he was mowing on a hill and he fell off his mower! His next door neighbor was outside at the time and also saw it and went running over there. Oh it was so terrible.... then it took the ambulance FOREVER to get there. He seemed okay after awhile, but they took him to the hospital to make sure. Last night B was telling everyone "you know the guy that lives on the left across the road?? Well he fell off his lawn mower and the ambulance came and parked in our yard." lol... he was too cute. I was impressed he knew it was the house on the left though ;). Ryan had to work late in Evansville last night so we couldn't go to small group :(. I hate missing b/c I love it! B & I didn't want to stay home all evening by ourselves though so we went w/ my mom to my brothers track meet at Princeton. Beforehand we picked up my brothers old girlfiend Brae (i miss her!) and we all went out to eat at Pizza Hut. Joe did good at the meet- but he never is proud of himself- he always is mad about his time! It was a HUGE meet (10 teams I believe). We didn't get home until almost 11! I was SOOO tired (and still am today!). B & I went straight to bed.

Today is work & stuff around the house this evening. Tomorrow is my Aunt's funeral in Indy. We are leaving at 6am! It is going to be a long day. My mom and I are just going. My grandma is watching B and Ryan and my dad have to work. I thought that was too long of a trip for B in one day plus having to sit through a funeral... and I didn't want him to have to attend yet another funeral this month... this year.... he is only 4 after all. He is such a good boy I know it would be fine, but I emotionally I don't want him to have to be there for all that.

Britt & I after my Pampered Chef party the other evening (ryan must of been confused?).

Britt, Chelsey, and I after my party~ love these girls :)

Brycen Hunter-- gun and goggles?! who knows!

My brother & B when we went to have lunch yesterday at mom's work. He was working the sign up table for the senior dinner (i can't believe my baby brother is a senior!). You can tell by this picture what kind of mischief these two get in!!