tomorrow...

Hello! Tomorrow I go for my first ultrasound... I'm pretty calm about this for the most part, but I'm having "moments" of terrible anxiety about it. I wasn't going to blog about this... but ya'll and your comments usually help me to feel more "normal", whatever normal is. lol. I'm so scared that I'm going to go and they are going to tell me something is wrong w/ the pregnancy or something like that... I know it's pretty irrational, BUT I just remember the heartache after my m/c and don't want to go through that again. I'm so thankful that for the most part I'm pretty calm about tomorrow, but like I said, I do have my moments... after all, I am human. I'm just not sure I can take any bad news.

For the good news, well not so much fun, but to me it's a sign that my body is doing what it is supposed to! I feel pretty terrible! I am nauseated (no puking, just wish I could at times!). I have terrible migranes (which I get anyway, pregnancy just makes them worse), AND I'm super tired. I know these are signs that my body is doing what it is supposed to, so they actually are a comfort of sorts (not that I like feeling like I could puke @ anytime though, don't get me wrong, I'm not that weird!) haha. It's harder the second time around when you have a three year old that demands your attention and you can't rest when you need to. Ryan and Brycen are both being pretty great about it though... I don't feel like cooking much supper, b/c the smell of food just isn't great for a nauseous person. I'm glad I have a sweet husband that doesn't mind sandwiches :)

ALSO, I am getting a BABY POOCH. Yes, ya'll can say it's in my head or whatever, but I am SO serious! Ryan has noticed, and even the girls at work have noticed. The dr. told me at my last appt. to expect to show sooner, I just didn't realize how soon she meant! Of course if I wear a looser shirt you can't tell, but if I pull my shirt tight or wear a tighter shirt, the baby bump is starting to show, for sure! I am going to look like a haus later on, I'm quite sure! lol. I didn't show AT ALL with Brycen until I was six MONTHS not six WEEKS. lol.

Anyway, enough of my rambling!

Weekend...

all the kiddo's at Ty Ty's 2nd birthday party


Boys will be boys... playing in the dirt w/ sticks (Andrew, Alex, Brycen, and Albert)

I know ya'll don't want to see my getting pudgy tummy, BUT this was too sweet not to share! Brycen decided the baby was hungry and got a spoon and this measuring cup full of water & fed the baby (he put it in my belly button, gross I know) lol. He did this for about 20 min. until he declared that the baby was full! He thought he/she was hungry, how sweet is that?!

My cousin Todd & his wife Kayla came over for a cookout last night, along w/ his parents and sister and my parents and brother & my grandparents. They are also expecting (TWINS!) and she is due exactly 6 weeks before me. Todd & I are only 4 mo. apart so we're excited to be having babies so close together too... We were BEST FRIENDS growing up!

My sweet hubby & I :)


I don't know where he gets this at?! ;)


Enjoying his little pool!




Brycen & Andrew playing @ the splash park for Tyler's 2nd birthday party.




They had a blast!






Brycen telling Trent, "I'm a SUPERHEROOOO!!!" this boy has personality! lol

Sorry I know these aren't all in order... I couldn't get them to post in order UGhH! lol. This dumb blogger doesn't ever like me!

Breaking the "Happy" News!

Well, I know you are all dying to know.... my heart has been torn between being extremely happy and extremely scared and worried. We have decided to share our great news though! I'm Pregnant! I'm about 5 1/2 weeks along. I've already been to the dr. twice for them to check all my hormone levels & everything looks great so far. It's hard to be extremely excited knowing that I had a miscarriage just 5 months ago. The "what if's" all loom above my head. We are already passed the point in my pregnancy of when I had my miscarriage in Feb. That brought us some comfort... plus all my levels coming back extremely good helps too. Ultimately I know that it is up to God, and He already knows the ending to the story of this little precious gift, so there is no need for me to worry about it... Brycen is very very excited! He insists that it's a sister... lol. I hope he isn't too disappointed if it's not! We go to have our first ultrasound next Friday on the 25th! I can't wait to see the little one's heart beat, Lord Willing.

My heart has struggled w/ sharing this news, b/c I know how much it has hurt me to see and hear when others are expecting, no matter that I was truly happy for them, I still hurt for myself at that time. I've done a lot and I mean a lot of praying over this, that I wouldn't contribute to anyone's added heart break... because I've been there.

Anyway- I will keep everyone updated :)
Please be praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby! :)

Today...

Today is a happy day!

....

This is going to be a short post... I just wanted to ask again for all your prayers... I'm not going to say much now, but I'll have more information on Tuesday and will then let you all know exactly what to pray for, for now just keep us in your prayers! Thank you sooo much!

4th of July

I hope you all had a great 4th of July! Ours was very nice. We were in Ky. at Lake Barkley~ I love the lake! My mom took the fun pictures (of us tubing), so I'll have to post those another time, but I'll go ahead and post some I had on my camera... I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I normally do, but I enjoyed all those extra moments w/ my family!


B swimming in the pool there, he's such a little water bug :)


I promised him ice cream after we went swimming... wow, what a mess! But it was sooo good!


B & I taking a golf cart ride :)


B & Ryan fishing :)


Brycen loves it at the lake, he was so happy :)


my papaw richard, my dad, brycen, and ryan all fishing! :)


My brother, Brycen, My "other" brother, and Ryan playing on the playground :)


Fireworks at the lake :)


So B was hiding under one of the beds and when he came out he had my eyeliner on his eyebrows... I asked him why he did this and he said, "Mommy, I just wanted to have beautiful eyes like you." How could I be mad at that?? It was pretty cute! :) Either that, or he just already knows how to play me! haha


B hanging out by the lake and throwing stuff in...

2 Corinthians 12:9

As some of you know, some may not, we have been struggling over the past year... struggling w/ infertility that is. I started off thinking ONE month of trying was too much, then two, then three, and so on... It has been discouraging & heart breaking. We've done more soul searching and praying than I ever thought possible. We reached month EIGHT of trying and I felt different. I don't know, what exactly felt different, but I just felt different. I was at WalMart a few days before I was supposed to start and I just decided to pick up a test. I had sworn off pregnancy tests b/c all they had brought me for months was a big disappointing NO. I went home that night and put the tests away, under the sink. It was a Friday to be exact. We are usually busy on Friday nights so this was unusual to be at home. I went about my evening, cooking supper and just hanging out w/ Ryan & Brycen. I was getting B ready for bed when I remembered the test. I got him put down to sleep and thought, "oh what the heck, I'll go take it." (this is about 2 days before I was supposed to start). I took the test and then put it aside and started brushing my teeth (yes i washed my hands :)) anyway- I finished and looked over at the test... It was POSITIVE... I could not believe my eyes! I started jumping up and down and screaming for Ryan (i'm sure he thought something was wrong). I showed him the test (he didn't act nearly as excited as i did!). He told me I needed to take another the next day or something... Anyway, I took another one right then and it was positive too. We called EVERYONE we could think of (it was getting late at this point, but we were SO excited!). The next day I went and bought a digital test, just to make sure our eyes weren't lying to us! It said, "PREGNANT". We were thrilled. I was on cloud 9! B was so happy, he had been praying for a healthy baby w/ us for eight months. For about a week we were on cloud 9 and just couldn't stop smiling.... Then on the next Wednesday I had some spotting... I was devasted. I called the hospital and they said not to worry, that some spotting was normal, but I knew in my heart that something was wrong. They told me to take it easy and if it got worse to come in. The next day (Valentines Day) I woke up and KNEW something was wrong. I got into the dr. that morning and he said how sorry he was, but he thought that I was having a miscarriage. They did bloodwork and sure enough my pregnancy level was pretty low, my progestrone was VERY low as well (.75). They would not tell us right then though that I miscarried. We had to wait two very long days and go back and do blood work to confirm that my levels had dropped. It was a time of praying, hoping, even pleading w/ God for a miracle. I never stopped believing that he could prevent the miscarriage. His answer was, "No." I never waivered in my faith. I would actually have to say that it brought me closer w/ the Lord. I'm not saying it was easy, these have been some of the darkest days of my life, but I know that the Lord has a good plan for my life (Jer. 29:11). I trust him implicitly. It doesn't make all the hurt go away or the yearning for a baby go away. I still deal w/ those feelings on a daily basis. Actually at times they consume my mind and I might feel a tad crazy b/c it's all I can think of. It hurts when Brycen asks, "mommy are we EVER going to have a baby?" I want to tell him yes... but honestly, I don't know. I don't know what God's plans are for our lives, but we will continue to seek after His will daily. I went to the dr. for my check up last Wednesday. We are going to start some testing on July 9th, since it has now been over a year of trying. We were able to get pregnant in that year, so that is a good thing, but I just want to ask you all for your prayers. They would be very much appreciated, whatever the Lord's answer is, his Grace is sufficient for us. We will stand strong in our walk w/ the Lord, through the valleys and the peaks. I haven't talked much about my miscarriage, except w/ a few people... I know most people know about it, but maybe not how we feel about it. I just want everyone to know, that no matter how bad it hurts, we still believe. I'll try to keep everyone updated on our tests and such... I don't want this to be a sad post or for people to feel sorry for us, I just wanted everyone to know how we are feeling and where we are at. We are so thankful that the Lord has blessed us w/ Brycen. He is our sunshine on the dark days! He fills our lives w/ joy and love. Hopefully, one day he will get to be a big brother, b/c he'll make the best! We start that testing on July 9th and should have results from that about a week later... so hopefully I'll have an update in a couple weeks!! LOVE YOU ALL. Thanks for all your prayers and support. They mean more to us then you could ever know!

2 Corinthians 12:9-And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.