Addiction

Cutting out this diet coke addiction is NOT fun stuff. My head is pounding and I'm so tired from having no caffeine I could just lay my head down on my desk and go to sleep. Normally, I'm not a "tired" person. Once I get up and go and I'm good! I'm draggggginnngggggg. I had a fight with myself in my head this morning on my way to work. I wanted one so badly that I was like Ohhh who cares just go get one... it doesn't matter, but I know I can fight through these feelings and will end up feeling even better, but right now it's terrible.

While I laugh and say I'm having with drawls from my "drug" of choice, it really does make me stop and think that if it is THIS HARD (and I'm not exaggerating when I say it is all I've thought of all day!) for me to quit diet coke- I can't imagine how hard it is for people who are addicted to drugs/alcohol. Wow. I can't say I've ever given it too much thought before on what a hold it must actually have over their lives. I've tried today to just pray for those people and what they go through each day today as I get just a little glimpse into how hard it must be. If nothing else it has made me more empathetic towards them. In my job I see a lot of drug and alcohol dependent people and I can't say I've been very empathetic in the past.

I'm off to enjoy the weekend with my family and hopefully will be able to get past this hump of having a headache and slump of feeling so tired. Happy weekend friends :)

FB & DC

Okay, so I'm not Catholic (or a religion that practices lent)... BUT I'm a Christian who has some bad habits that could use this as a time to get more into The Word... be more "present" and be more productive... So when I logged on to facebook yesterday & saw that a friend was giving up FB for lent I thought to myself that I should too.

I will say that I've contemplated it quite a bit in the past. While I find that FB has many useful attributes like staying in contact with people I don't see too often etc... It also has negative ones like wasting my precious time (that I complain I don't have enough of) etc... I do mainly get on FB at work during down time (in between court hearings etc), BUT I'm sure I'll get more done like clean out my filing cabinets and those boring little jobs that I just put off b/c they aren't things that really HAVE to be done. I can also log onto biblegateway.com and get more into the word at work instead of getting on FB. While I will miss certain people and seeing their posts there are many things I won't miss.

I will see how it goes and if I go back to it or not.

I have found that on this first full day of work w/ out facebook I'm a little lost! I keep clicking on the page out of habit to log in and then think, "Oh yah I'm not on FB anymore!". Wow, you know it's a habit when you click the button and don't even think about it.

I also am giving up Diet Coke. Mainly b/c I drink entirely TOO much and I know it's not good for me. When I say too much I mean I don't drink anything BESIDES diet coke. eeekkkkk! I'm looking forward to cutting the addiction (which I have done before, but have always gone back to it), but not so much the headache I'm already getting. I know it won't last too long though so I'll pray my way through it :) I'll be healthier in the long run and who knows maybe it'll motivate me to work out or even eat healthier (lol, yah right, I probably shouldn't try to work on too many bad habits at once!). I've had a bottle of lemonade today & a cup of Hi-C... while I know those aren't the healthiest things either I'm for sure going to have to work my way into drinking water, bleck!

Okay, so a very random post, but the more people to hold me accountable the more likely I'm to stick with it! When I told Ryan I was giving up FB & DC he laughed at me and said "yah right."... so supportive, lol!

Valentines Day

B & I searched on Pinterest for some cute Valentines to do. He really liked these b/c kisses are his favorite candy :) We had fun making these together. It made momma feel crafty and it made B feel special to have something different! We also took these to the two other kiddos at Corbin's sitter.

On Valentines Day I went and worked B's class party. I love going to his school stuff- even if some of those kiddos really stress me out, lol! Here they are playing a game with lollipops.

We also played "Pictionary" and had them draw things on the board and the other kids guess (we divided into teams of boys & girls).
B had to draw a tree :) It was cute and he drew a better one than I could of!

B & his buddy Kendric (that's Peyton peeking through the back!).

Mrs. Vaughn's 1st grade class (minus three that were absent).

My sweet boy at snack time :)

Earlier in the day at work I was surprised with some roses from my hubs! We never really do things for Valentines Day so I was surprised for sure! They smelled sooo good and were so pretty!

Corbin's Party

Friday evening we had Corbin's birthday party. We had our parents, my grandma, and a few of our friends over... around 20 ppl. It was a good time!

Corbin loved the hat he got at the sitter and wanted to wear it a lot :)
Banner-- we had a puppy theme b/c the boy LOVES doggies!

Treat bags-- I made puppy chow and filled sandwich bags and put inside the treat bags :)

lots of cupcakes :)

someone needs to teach me how to use my camera- I couldn't get a good picture for the life of me!

The birthday boy!!

Can't get over my baby being two!

sweet brothers <3

B always cracks C up with his funny faces!

Ryan tied the balloons I had hanging down from C's door in a big knot- he carried them around and wouldn't put them down! lol

Singing happy birthday!

He was NOT interested in blowing out the candles... so funny! Especially since he gets in trouble for blowing out my candle I keep on the bar!

He was very interested in eating a cupcake though :)
All day Friday he said, "I want cupcake!"... so cute!

opening gifts!

He decided he wanted to sit on Nessa's life for awhile :) lol Kianna and Zane wanted in on the action!

Pretty sure he had a great time playing with his little buddies (Zane, Kianna, and Kenzlie) and eating cupcakes! He also discovered he liked chili :) lol We had soups and sandwiches for supper. It was relaxed and I enjoyed visiting with everyone!

Corbin is T-W-O

Two years ago Corbin Fisher came into this world! It was a little unexpected that day b/c he was 4 weeks early, but despite a couple days in the NICU he has been a very healthy little man (healthier than B has been being born at 38 weeks!). He weighed 5lbs 11oz and was 19 1/2 in. long. I can't believe he is the big TWO today (it'll actually be tonight when he is 2, lol!).

Saw this idea on pinterest (where else?!) and thought it was fun! Especially since he loves balloons!

B went in to wake him up and we sang him happy birthday. He's not a happy person in the morning, but when he saw the balloons he was in a great mood :) lol!


And down they came, lol!

They had a ball playing w/ the balloons before we were leaving (which made us run a little behind, but I love any extra minutes I get w/ them!).

He's just so big!!

And goofy :)

Him and B were chasing each other and he fell down lol!

Running laps w/ the silly balloons!

I would consider that a good early morning birthday :) I took donut holes and treat bags to the sitter for today. She has a little birthday party for them and they "party" all day so I'm sure he'll have fun w/ his friends Tucker and Kinze.

We're having his party tomorrow night so I'll have more pictures then.

His well baby check is next week so I don't know his exact stats, but I know he's tall!

He's been going pee pee more and more on the potty. I'm not ready to really work with him and make him do it, but if he tells me he has to go we go!

He still loves his cup of whatever... he's the thirstiest kid I've ever met! He is a pretty good eater and not too picky. Brycen introduced him to Hershey kisses and now he goes to the jar (where I usually have some) and asks for chocolate, oh my!! He's definitely my child :)

He lovessss all things dogs. Care Bears Make A Wish is still his favorite movie/show. He also likes Chuggington now and is into trains. He likes to build blocks and is pretty good at it.

He's talking soooo much more and we're loving it! He's pretty quiet in large groups of people and just stares at people w/ a dumbfounded look on his face lol. Once he warms up he's crazy! haha!

Last night we went to eat for my cousin's 21st birthday and he wouldn't talk to people we do know, but walked up to a table full of men (dressed in dirty work clothes) and starts tapping on this guy and talking to him! Oh my! You just never know with him!

He loves his friends Tucker and Kinze (who he calls Sissy) at the babysitter. Tucker is just 4 weeks younger than him and Kinze is about 4 months younger. They all play so well together and I'm glad to know he has fun with them on the days I can't be with him while at work. He talks about them a lot.

He loves to go down to the basement to play now, but he always wants B to go with him. So funny. Brycen doesn't always want to, but Corbin usually gets him to by pulling on his arm and yanking him towards the stairs, it's so funny!

He's still the biggest climber ever. He can scale the hardware on the cabinets now to get up on the counters. He pulls out the drawers in my bathroom to climb up in them to get to the cabinet (where I keep the toothbrushes away from him). I can't seem to keep him out of anything!

He's as stubborn as they come and I have my hands very full. He keeps me busy and some times I don't even know what to do with him... but we love him SO much and our family wouldn't be the same with out him!

Friends

We had a weekend full of friends. I didn't get too many pictures, but I did snap a few. Friday night Brycen had a birthday party at the YMCA. It was a swimming party. He had a ball. It wasn't his normal group of friends b/c it was someone from church, but he knew most of the kids so he had fun. It was just me and him so afterward we did our WalMart trip and he got to exchange one of his toys he needed to take back. We didn't get home until late and we were both exhausted! It was a fun evening though and I got to chat w/ some mom's I don't see too often.


Saturday evening we had our neighbor's over for supper and the DeCoursey's :) I've been meaning to have the neighbors over since we moved in, but I'm just now getting around to it... that's terrible! We had such a good time though. They have three little boys- one is Brycen's friend Trenton. I've known Krystal (the mom) my whole life, but she's about four years older than me so we never really hung out. The husband, Jason, isn't from here, but they are both super sweet and we just had a great evening chatting (and watching the IU game). The boys all played in the basement- six crazy boys running around was a bit wild at times, but we survived (minus a half gallon of paint in the basement, lol don't ask!).

C & Z playing on the table- Z taking C's picture

Zane showing Corbin the picture he took, lol! So funny!

Yesterday was B's last basketball game. He was so sad! He had an awesome game though and even stole the ball and made a last second buzzer shot! It was awesome and he was soooo proud of himself- it was so cute to hear him talk about it! We're so proud of how much his skills improved this year.

Joey, B, Nolan, and Sam w/ their cupcakes after the game :)
love these boys!
B & KenKen after the game!

We had a good weekend and now I'm gearing up for a crazy busy week. I have a ton of stuff to do and I'm afraid I won't have enough hours in my days to get everything done. Hopefully, everything will fall into place!

3 years later

Three years ago today I gave birth to our second precious boy, Andon Joseph. It blows my mind to think that was three years ago. At any given moment I can flashback to that early morning and my feelings (and what I remember of that day- which considering the surgery and drugs and how sick I was isn't a whole lot). I remember feeling helpless, knowing there was nothing I could do... my baby boy was already gone. I don't remember crying until much later though. Pain, surgery, and drugs will do that to you I guess. Shock maybe? I do remember telling Vanessa (as she's bawling), "It's okay, God has a plan". I'm not sure who on earth says that as they are going through the worst thing of their life, but somehow in the depths of my very being I knew it to be true. I knew that we had tried and tried and tried to get pregnant... had a miscarriage and then celebrated with joy over being pregnant with Andon. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine an ending like we got, but it really wasn't an ending was it? God was (and is) still who He says He is. I still believed that His plan was good (even if I didn't like it). It all made me hug Brycen even closer, pay attention to the little things even more than before. My own health bounced back faster than they thought and we got pregnant with Corbin about 3 1/2 months later. While we still grieved Andon (and still do every day) it gave us something to look forward to and was our ever-present reminder that God is Good... He does have a plan. Sometimes during my pregnancy with Corbin the fear of the "what ifs" was paralyzing, but I could feel His presence. I knew He already knew the ending. On A's first birthday I was anxiously expecting C's arrival. I was off work at home with Brycen that day. It just seemed surreal. Six days after A's 1st (Heavenly) birthday Corbin came out to meet us. We had an eventful dr's appt, c/s late in the evening and a short (2 day) NICU stay. I didn't want him in the NICU, but it was reassuring knowing he was being monitored and that he was okay. When we took him home my anxiety was terrible. Everyone who has had a baby knows how hormones are after giving birth add on top of that that we'd had a miscarriage 2 years before in February and buried our sweet baby just 1 year before and I was a wreck. I held him all the time, checked his temp. and made more calls to the dr., than I thought possible. I was just sure we weren't going to get to keep him either. That sounds terrible, but I was SO.ANXIOUS. I would burst into tears at the drop of a hat. It brought so many emotions up that I don't think I had let myself feel. Having a baby in my arms again was PURE.BLISS- it was what I had hoped, dreamed, and prayed for, but I was terrified. I was so protective over Corbin that I hardly let anyone (except Brycen b/c I loved watching the two together) hold him. We flew through that first year and last year when it was A's 2nd (Heavenly) birthday I was home once again (b/c Corbin was sick). Brycen and I made a cake and we had a quiet day at home. It was sad, but we were just feeling so blessed with the family that the Lord has given us we couldn't let it get us down. I don't want to feel sad every time I think of Andon. I don't know how another year has passed us by so quickly and here we are celebrating his 3rd (Heavenly) birthday. I do know that I wish I had three kiddos here on Earth. I'm feeling the loss a little more this year, reliving those moments and those feelings a little more because we just had another loss, a miscarriage a couple weeks ago. It was a surprise pregnancy, but we were excited. When we found out there was no heartbeat I was let down, but felt more peace than I have ever felt in my entire life. I can't even explain it- it was definitely a peace that surpasses all understanding. I was not expecting the Lord to take us through another loss again, but I know He has a purpose for this one as well. I always wanted a large family- I have one- most of them are just in Heaven. Three babies in Heaven within the past four years sounds crazy, even to my own ears, but it will be one big rejoicing when we get there. Through all this I cling to the fact that God IS good. I could have it so much worse. The Lord has had me witness to so many people, I'm a huge advocate for pre-eclampsia awareness and my sweet Andon has saved three other babies lives (that I know of!). That gives me goosebumps. I look at those sweet kids now and know that His life DID and still does have a purpose- whether it was the one I wanted for him or not. I'd much rather have a birthday party to plan and a three year old to chase around and more laundry and more sippy cups, but that wasn't in His plan for my life. So I choose to enjoy the sweetness of listening to Brycen tell Corbin about their brother, cherish the pictures we have, and dream of the day we will all meet again in Heaven. Three years later we still miss our sweet boy every day, but we rejoice in knowing he is with our Heavenly Father who loves him even more than we do. I could stay stuck back onto that awful time three years ago when we found out he didn't have a heartbeat, but I wouldn't be living the life God planned for me.

Three years later we praise God because He is Good. He has blessed us more than we could ever imagine.

"God, you are who you say you are
You can do what you say you can do
I am who you say I am
I can do all things through Christ
Your word is living and active in me
And I'm choosing to believe you, Lord."

Those words- those are the truth.

Happy Birthday to our sweet boy, A. We can't wait to hug you tight in Heaven someday. We love you.

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