today...

Well, yesterday I posted this blog about being okay. Well, I am... but there have been some rough patches since that post as well. Yesterday, I went home from work sick... Emotionally exhuasted and sick with a stupid sinus infection. I was mad that nothing seemed to be going right, but really I just needed some rest and medicine. Ryan was wonderful and he picked Brycen up from daycare and took him to his dr. appt (b/c he's sick too!). The dr. gave us both medicine, even though I wasn't there. I was very thankful for this, but our family dr. is my OB as well, so obviously he knew what I was going through, and the thought of going back to the dr's office this week just made me sicker. So anyway, we got our medicine and my spirits were getting higher... then my best friend at work called (the one who is pregnant). She had her first sonogram yesterday (which I was supposed to call her and check to see how things went, but with not feeling well it totally slipped my mind). I am SOO excited for her. She has never had a baby before and is 28. She is great with kids, and has yearned for one for a long time, so I am super excited for her. BUT it also just made me sad for myself. She is due September 24, we would of only been 4 weeks apart in our due dates... we were so excited about being pregnant together. Now I know she is scared to talk to me about things, even though I do want her to, I don't want to feel left out of her pregnancy, even though it does hurt if I think about it too much... I don't even know if I'm making sense, but I just need to get this out... I feel like I'm being mean when I feel sad, even though I know it's completely normal. It seems that everyone around me is pregnant... When it took us seven months to get pregnant I thought that was the worst ever, when everyone kept telling me they were pregnant, I just wanted to be able to share the same happy news... and then we did... and then we only got to be happy for a week. :( I know this probably sounds like a pity party, if you have even made it this far with out thinking I'm obnoxious. I don't want to throw myself a pity party, but I'm just trying to make some sense of how I feel. My sister in law is 35 weeks along now. Her mucous plug came out yesterday morning, so we'll be having a new niece soon. I'm super excited for a new niece to love on, but it still hurts. They started trying the same month we did, and she got pregnant that first month. I just have all these "what ifs" and "why Gods". I HATE HATE HATE feeling like I'm questioning God. I don't want to, I DO trust Him, but I just have all these questions and emotions and feelings running through my head. Things that I don't want to say out loud. Anyway... enough of my complaining and whining and crying for today... I hate being so negative.
On a postive note, B slept in his bed for the THIRD night in a row last night! Go B!! I miss snuggling him up in the mornings, but I know he is SO proud of himself and that makes me even prouder of him! Love this boy to pieces!!

1. Do you wear a name tag at work? I have a name tag, I do not wear it, it's clipped on my purse
.2. What kind of car do you drive? Buick Rendezvous
3. What do you order when you go to Taco Bell? nacho cheese gordita w/ chicken, cinnamon twists and a pop
4. Have you ever had a garage sale? yep, they are a lot of work though
5. What color is your iPod? i don't have one, but my cell phone is one too and it's teal
6. What kind of dog do you have? we have two, they are part beagle and part bassett (adorable!)
7. What's for dinner tonight? haven't thought that far ahead yet
8. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had? not a big drinker... i did have a strawberry daqueri on my birthday though
9. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone? dropped it on the sidewalk? left it unattended on the bathroom counter and brycen "washed it" for me!
10. Last time you were sick? i'm sick right now! :(
11. How long is your hair? too short for me, right above my shoulders
12. Are you happy right now? i've been happier
13. What did you say last?"thanks for asking me to lunch!"
14. Who came over last? jordan
16. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?Nope
17. What is your favorite key chain on your keys? um i have a dolphin one i got on our honeymoon, i have a domestic violence awareness ribbon one from a work conference, and i have one that says "liquor leaves you breathless, drugs leave you senseless, Jesus won't leave you regardless" that i got for senior night of cheerleading in h.s. it's really old and scratched up, but my best friend's mom gave them to us and it just means a lot to me
18. What was the last movie you watched at home? bob the builder lol
19. What is in your pocket?Nothing.
20. Who introduced you to your crush? Annie
21. Where do you hurt? my sinus cavities in my face lol YUCK
22. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? yep
23. What DVD is in your DVD player? bob the builder
24. What's something funny you did today? made a joke at lunch
25. Who was the principal of your high school? Ms. Kelley
26. Has your house ever been TPd? yes, thank you to my wonderful middle school cheerleaders : ) love those girls
27. What do you think of when you hear the word 'meow'?Huh?! A Cat
.28. What are you listening to right now? my little heater under my desk
29. Drinkin? diet rite zero
30. What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart? i try not to browse! just get what we need and go
31. When is your birthday? July 16
32. What's the area code for your cell phone? ...
33. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? kohl's
34. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? a cross necklace
35. How many states in the US have you been to? a lot?
37. What are you going to do after this? get back to doing some work
38. Who was the last person you went shopping with? ryan and brycen
40. What about your favorite dessert? love them all lol!
41. What is something you need to go shopping for? new jeans all mine are frayed at the bottom
42. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives? no
43. What kind of car do your siblings drive? my little brother drives a 2007 jeep wrangler, my sister n law drives a caravan, my brother n law drives a ford ranger, and my other brother n law drives a f-150
44. Do you like pickles? i don't dislike them
45. What about olives? no thanks
47. What is your favorite kind of juice? i like a lot of juice
48. Do you have any tan lines? i wish! but we're going to fla in a week sooo
49. What hospital were you born in? jasper memorial in jasper in
50. Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher? mrs. fisher

okay i'm done w/ the torture now : )