I really don't have a whole lot to update on. Last Friday night I ran to Wal-Mart and then when I got home Ryan painted the laundry room for me :) That made me happy! We still have a few things to do in there (like new shelves), but i really love the color... lol, the funny thing is we let Brycen choose it and we thought it was hideous, but we weren't going back on our offer to let him choose so now we both (ryan and i) really like it! I'll take pictures when Ryan gets the shelves and all that done. It looks really unfinished right now.
Saturday on the 4th we didn't do much. Ryan went into work for awhile that morning. We got a new dining room table. I LOVE IT. Well, it is new to us. Some guy that they were doing cabinets for just asked Ryan if he wanted it! Awesome! We had been wanting a new table, but never wanted to spend the money for one since ours worked fine. Ryan sanded it down and refinished it and stained it and it goes GREAT in our dining room. It's a pretty new table (maybe like 5 years old?) and it looks brand new now that Ryan is done with it! After he got home we just hung out all afternoon. Our friends Clint and Vanessa and their little boy Tyler came over about 6pm. We grilled hamburgers and hotdogs and I made corn on the cob and cheesy potatos and then Vanessa brought a cake. It was all really good and we were all really stuffed! Since it rained all day and all evening here we just hung out at home. The fireworks at Otwell were cancelled b/c it was still raining here. The boys (tyler and brycen) played really well all evening and us adults just hung out chatting.
Sunday I did not feel good all day :( we didn't do anything all day. We did end up going to the demo that night b/c we had promised B we would take him. It was fun to watch him get excited about it (i really really love demos!). His favorite car got third place overall (but if you ask him, it won!) lol. Brycen got to ride a ride quick and then we came home and watched the fireworks from our front porch. We live about 4 miles away, but we could see them from our house.
Monday I was off work again b/c my Grandma had knee replacement done and my mom took her to have the surgery done so I just stayed home with B. We just hung out all day and played outside. It was a relaxing day. When Ryan got home I did go into work for a few hours to get some stuff done that I really needed to do. He had work to do outside so brycen loved that b/c he loves "helping". :) He really is getting to the age where he can be of help with some stuff, he just doesn't like to be told he is still too little to do some other stuff!
Yesterday I worked. It was weird being back after being off since Thursday. I had a desk full of stuff that I still don't want to think about b/c it is quite overwhelming. Since last Thurs. i have acquired FIVE new cases :( BOOOO!! That's a lot of work all at once. Last night B and I went with my parents to see my grandma in the hospital. She seems to be doing pretty good. She won't get out of the hospital until Thursday and then she goes to rehab for two weeks I think. We went to Wings and Rings to eat beforehand. I really like their food there. I felt so sorry for our waiter b/c he spilled our drinks all over himself. He felt dumb I could tell b/c he kept saying stuff about it... lol seriously, I could never be a waitress b/c I would drop the drinks everytime I would say! haha.
I should of gone to work today since I was off on Monday and I have so much to do, but I didn't feel like it. I stayed home and just layed around really. Felt terrible all day again. I am dreading tomorrow b/c so much work is awaiting me. Hopefully, it will be a productive day. Tomorrow evening we don't have plans, but our weekend is pretty booked. Friday night we have a couple's wedding shower, Saturday ryan's family is having some sort of get together and Sunday I have a bridal shower after church for a sweet friend!
Is anyone else feeling overwhelmed with "stuff to do" these days? I'm mean besides our normal to-do list like cooking, cleaning, caring for our families and working.... I mean the showers, the parties, the family get togethers...??? Is it just me? I feel like a whiner! I'm a homebody by nature. I always have been, even when i was young i would rather have people over to my own house to stay the night then to go to a friends house. I guess I'm just more secure at home. I really am no good at telling people no. And it seems that people get mad if you do say no. But I feel like all we do is run these days and I really do enjoy just being home with my boys more than anything. Advice? Or am I just being a whiner?! We have said we were going to cut down and only do something one weekend night... like do something on friday if we get invited but stay home on Saturday or vice versa, but that just seems to make people mad or hurt their feelings... I don't know what to do!
My anxiety... have to say is better than it was, but I am def. still battling it and dealing with it. It's such a struggle and it makes me grouchy. When i get nervous I get grouchy and feel really cut off from family b/c all I do is snap at people. i don't mean to. I really do try to overcome it, but it is hard. I'm not good at expressing my feelings to people and that makes it even harder. It is hard for me to admit that I am having trouble or feeling a certain way (okay, not so hard to admit on a computer screen, but I mean person to person). It all just seems like a lot to deal with.
Summer is just flying by. I can't believe it is already almost the middle of July!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Update on Us :)
I realize I haven't been very good at updating... I've had a lot going on and a lot on my mind! I've actually sat down to post a few times, but it just didn't feel right. It drives me crazy not to keep things updated though!
I'll start off with where I left off-- the 17th of June I believe! That day I went to record my testimony at Antioch. I think it went ok. I hope it helps someone. After that B and I swam all day. Then that Wednesday night we had a pot luck dinner at Dave and Rhoda's for our last night of our small group. It was really sad for me for it to be over. Those people and that group has got me these last 5 months-- the hardest months of my life.
That Friday night we went to Shawn and Audrey's for pizza and to visit! It was really fun and nice to visit with them (plus we had Fatboys, which is like the best pizza ever!). We had to leave pretty early b/c we had to get up early the next morning. We left early the next morning to go up to Greensburg for my cousin Nick's wedding. My aunt and uncle and their daughter and her boyfriend followed me, ryan, brycen and my parents up there. It was fun! We stopped for lunch on our way. When we got to our hotel we let B swim for awhile and we rested and then we headed to the outdoor ceremony that was held at the bride's house. It was beautiful!! I have lots of pictures, but I'm not uploading any pictures today, soooo ya'll are going to have to wait on a major picture upload post! Then we went to the reception and danced the night away! Seriously-- even my dad danced-- and that just doesn't happen! My grandma- if you know her, well she is crazy and we love her and watching her get down w/ her bad self was just hilarious :) I'm glad she is having a good time, even while missing my Papaw. After the reception we went back to the hotel and then we went down the hall to my Aunt and Uncle's room and ordered pizza and hung out just enjoying each other's company. The next morning we got up and all went and ate breakfast together (after sleeping in!). Then all the boys came back together and my mom, aunt, cousin Ashley, and I went on over to Edinburgh and went shopping!! Fun!! :) Seriously, it was the best weekend I've had in a long time. I really love being with that part of my family. We were missing my cousin Todd and his wife Kayla though :( they aren't allowed to travel at this point b/c of her history of pre-term labor. On a good note now-- they have made it to 24 weeks and her sitches in her cervix are still holding tight! They are passed the time when she had the twins! I am so happy they are getting this far. Anyway, that night when we got back we had supper at my parents for father's day. We didn't stay long b/c we were worn out! Oh yah, Ryan's birthday was the day before (the day of the wedding). Ryan and I gave him his present on Friday before we left.
That Monday night (the 22nd) we had family pictures with Abby out at her parents house. I think they went okay (even thought it was 100 degrees, literally!).
The next night we went to the fair at Elnora to watch our niece-- little Miss Hailey Brooke in the little miss pageant. Her and Brycen rode a few rides afterward. (I also got to see Courtney and Miss Leah at the foodstand for the WHS dancers! They made a mean taco in a bag :))
The next day I was off and Ryan and I just hung out by the pool all day.
That Friday Ricky and Brittany came over for snacks and to visit. It was a fun evening of catching up with good friends.
The next morning I took Brycen to the splash park in Petersburg to meet a couple of his little friends from pre-school. He had a lot of fun and was worn out afterward! We got McDonalds for lunch and then came home for a nap. We also gave the dog a bath that afternoon. lol, our dog is an outside dog and she just doesn't get baths, but she actually liked it and it was fun for B! That evening we went to our friends' little girls' 1st birthday party. Her name is Lilyan and she is soooo cute! I can't believe she is a year old! Afterward, we stopped in to see our friends' Clint and Vanessa's new house. It is so cute and I was glad to see it. Sunday morning we got up and went to church at the park in Odon. It was such a nice service and the weather was gorgeous that morning. Odon has a really nice park! We went to Ryan's parents for lunch and then came home and B and I took a nap and then we went to my parents for supper.
This week has actually seemed like we haven't had as much to do which has been nice for once! Wednesday I got the house spotless and all the laundry done. It seems like I haven't been able to get/keep caught up since vacation so it was nice to feel that way! That night I also started watering flowers and feeding my friend Chelsey's cat for her while they are on vacation this week. She did it for me while we were on vacation so i really enjoy repaying the favor! Last night we went to my parents for homemade pizza. We didn't stay long, but the pizza was good! This morning I got up and took B to my grandma's to sleep for awhile and my mom and I went to a few yard sales. I found some good deals! I'm a sucker for a yard sale and haven't got to go to hardly any at all this year so I was excited to be off today! Tonight we are just hanging out at home and enjoying it! I have to run to walmart when ryan gets home (b/c brycen doesn't want to go, he said he just wants to stay home and play-- and honestly as much as I hate walmart, i don't blame him!).
Oh yah and we got the paint for the laundry room-- so stay tuned for updates on that :)
Thank you all for all your prayers for my anxiety. It goes and comes these days, but I'm doing a little better.
I'll start off with where I left off-- the 17th of June I believe! That day I went to record my testimony at Antioch. I think it went ok. I hope it helps someone. After that B and I swam all day. Then that Wednesday night we had a pot luck dinner at Dave and Rhoda's for our last night of our small group. It was really sad for me for it to be over. Those people and that group has got me these last 5 months-- the hardest months of my life.
That Friday night we went to Shawn and Audrey's for pizza and to visit! It was really fun and nice to visit with them (plus we had Fatboys, which is like the best pizza ever!). We had to leave pretty early b/c we had to get up early the next morning. We left early the next morning to go up to Greensburg for my cousin Nick's wedding. My aunt and uncle and their daughter and her boyfriend followed me, ryan, brycen and my parents up there. It was fun! We stopped for lunch on our way. When we got to our hotel we let B swim for awhile and we rested and then we headed to the outdoor ceremony that was held at the bride's house. It was beautiful!! I have lots of pictures, but I'm not uploading any pictures today, soooo ya'll are going to have to wait on a major picture upload post! Then we went to the reception and danced the night away! Seriously-- even my dad danced-- and that just doesn't happen! My grandma- if you know her, well she is crazy and we love her and watching her get down w/ her bad self was just hilarious :) I'm glad she is having a good time, even while missing my Papaw. After the reception we went back to the hotel and then we went down the hall to my Aunt and Uncle's room and ordered pizza and hung out just enjoying each other's company. The next morning we got up and all went and ate breakfast together (after sleeping in!). Then all the boys came back together and my mom, aunt, cousin Ashley, and I went on over to Edinburgh and went shopping!! Fun!! :) Seriously, it was the best weekend I've had in a long time. I really love being with that part of my family. We were missing my cousin Todd and his wife Kayla though :( they aren't allowed to travel at this point b/c of her history of pre-term labor. On a good note now-- they have made it to 24 weeks and her sitches in her cervix are still holding tight! They are passed the time when she had the twins! I am so happy they are getting this far. Anyway, that night when we got back we had supper at my parents for father's day. We didn't stay long b/c we were worn out! Oh yah, Ryan's birthday was the day before (the day of the wedding). Ryan and I gave him his present on Friday before we left.
That Monday night (the 22nd) we had family pictures with Abby out at her parents house. I think they went okay (even thought it was 100 degrees, literally!).
The next night we went to the fair at Elnora to watch our niece-- little Miss Hailey Brooke in the little miss pageant. Her and Brycen rode a few rides afterward. (I also got to see Courtney and Miss Leah at the foodstand for the WHS dancers! They made a mean taco in a bag :))
The next day I was off and Ryan and I just hung out by the pool all day.
That Friday Ricky and Brittany came over for snacks and to visit. It was a fun evening of catching up with good friends.
The next morning I took Brycen to the splash park in Petersburg to meet a couple of his little friends from pre-school. He had a lot of fun and was worn out afterward! We got McDonalds for lunch and then came home for a nap. We also gave the dog a bath that afternoon. lol, our dog is an outside dog and she just doesn't get baths, but she actually liked it and it was fun for B! That evening we went to our friends' little girls' 1st birthday party. Her name is Lilyan and she is soooo cute! I can't believe she is a year old! Afterward, we stopped in to see our friends' Clint and Vanessa's new house. It is so cute and I was glad to see it. Sunday morning we got up and went to church at the park in Odon. It was such a nice service and the weather was gorgeous that morning. Odon has a really nice park! We went to Ryan's parents for lunch and then came home and B and I took a nap and then we went to my parents for supper.
This week has actually seemed like we haven't had as much to do which has been nice for once! Wednesday I got the house spotless and all the laundry done. It seems like I haven't been able to get/keep caught up since vacation so it was nice to feel that way! That night I also started watering flowers and feeding my friend Chelsey's cat for her while they are on vacation this week. She did it for me while we were on vacation so i really enjoy repaying the favor! Last night we went to my parents for homemade pizza. We didn't stay long, but the pizza was good! This morning I got up and took B to my grandma's to sleep for awhile and my mom and I went to a few yard sales. I found some good deals! I'm a sucker for a yard sale and haven't got to go to hardly any at all this year so I was excited to be off today! Tonight we are just hanging out at home and enjoying it! I have to run to walmart when ryan gets home (b/c brycen doesn't want to go, he said he just wants to stay home and play-- and honestly as much as I hate walmart, i don't blame him!).
Oh yah and we got the paint for the laundry room-- so stay tuned for updates on that :)
Thank you all for all your prayers for my anxiety. It goes and comes these days, but I'm doing a little better.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Show Us Where You Live- Master Bedroom
Well, before you look, just take note that a lot of things have changed in our room since these pictures were taken (April 2008). We have went from a full size bed to a king size. We have a different bedding set (and I have actually put on the bed skirt this time). The wall colors are still the same, but we have a few more decorations on the wall.... Why didn't I take pictures last night or today? Um... well, it TOTALLY slipped my mind. oops :)... but I still want to participate... and you can kind of get a feel for it anyway.
This is what you see when you look in the door. There is now a decoration thing hanging above Ryan's chest of drawers.
This is what it looks like standing in the little corner that leads to the bathroom.
This is what it looks like standing from my corner of the room. (that orange thing hanging from the ceiling fan is something B made at pre-school and wanted to hang there... I'm pretty sure it is still there. lol)
This is the Uppercase Living I have above my dresser, which is to the right when you walk in the door. I love this saying, because it is so true!Well, Thank you for stopping by to see our bedroom.
Head on over to Kelly's to see the other rooms!
P.S. Thank you for all of you who have been praying for me. I can feel it. I'm doing a little better, but still anxious... lots of things to be anxious about.... :)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Please Pray for Me...
I hate being vague, but please pray for me. I am dealing w/ some terrible anxiety about some stuff right now and I really need some peace. I have verses running through my head all day, but I'm still having a really tough time. I'm on the verge of tears pretty much all day and it's taking it's toll on me.
Please, if you have a minute just stop and ask God to give me some peace and to take care of us... he knows our needs.
Thanks so much.
Please, if you have a minute just stop and ask God to give me some peace and to take care of us... he knows our needs.
Thanks so much.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Show Us Where You Live-- Laundry Room
I am not a fan of our laundry room. It has a 1/2 bath in it? Weird? I think so... We have never done anything to it since we moved in... besides hanging a sign on the wall that says "laundry". No paint. No nothing. I dispise it. Everytime I get ready to paint in here Ryan tells me no... darn husbands :) . Obviously I can't move the washer and dryer out myself and he says that is too much work for just a little paint when we have other stuff to do, SOOO here is my plain jane, butt ugly, despised laundry room... but on the bright side of things, I have working, only a few years old, washer and dryer... i don't have to go down to the creek or anything ;) sooo all ideas welcome and if you suggest a paint color-- i'll share it with ryan, safety in numbers!! hehe.
washer and dryer area... where the dirty work gets done :) it's so cluttered on the shelves, i wish they had doors... i can barely reach them so i just kind of shove the stuff back up there. and we have no where else to keep the vacuum. OBNOXIOUS.
Looking in from the doorway... the half bath part... the cabinet is old and trashy... so is the toliet... the shelves beside the cabinet don't match? and we never got around to changing the ugly switch plates. you know the sad thing is, i do like the trashcan in here... you can't really see it though... excuse the happy feet movie playing in the mirror :) hehe
washer and dryer area... where the dirty work gets done :) it's so cluttered on the shelves, i wish they had doors... i can barely reach them so i just kind of shove the stuff back up there. and we have no where else to keep the vacuum. OBNOXIOUS. anyway- that's my laundry room. help me people :)
200th Post... Talk for Antioch...
I cannot believe it is my 200th post... I talk too much :). It seems like it was just my 100th post! haha. Anyway, I thought that I would go ahead and post what I spoke about on video for Antioch. (sorry for anyone who goes there, you might not want to go ahead and read it, or you might want to and just ignore the video, b/c it is quite possible I look silly!).
They asked me to address 3 questions. I will type those out and then give you my answer so it all makes sense.
When is a time in my life when I have had to totally lean on God?
*In June 2007, my husband Ryan and I decided we were ready to have another child. I never dreamt that it would be anything but easy to have another baby. Boy was I wrong! We tried and tried and tried some more- it just wasn't happening. Anyone who has had to try for a baby knows how each month is a roller coaster of emotions while you are trying to conceive. The only that that got me through each month & each disappointment was God's promise . Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future".
Eight months into the trying, and when I say trying, I mean trying every trick in the book. Anything you've heard of, we tried! After all that we found out I was expecting. I cannot explain the joy that I felt. I was praising God more than ever before. He had answered my prayers and I knew he had heard all my pleas. We told everyone we knew. I was so light-hearted, finally, after eight months of fears & doubts. One week later, at 5 weeks pregnant I started spotting. I had a miscarriage on Valentines Day 2008. I was so lost. I once again clung to scripture. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love, who have been called according to his purpose." I remember going over and over this in my head. I also still put my hope in Jeremiah 29:11 because I know I can trust God and his promises to me.
We started trying again right away. It just wasn't happening for us. I went for a check up in late June. The doctor agreed it was time to start testing to see if there was a specific thing keeping us from having a successful pregnancy. We were to start that testing on July 9th, On July 6th, 2008 we found out we were expecting once again. Wow, what a "God thing"! We were ecstatic, but also this time we were nervous, we knew anything could go wrong. The first 12 weeks were nerve-wracking, each day I had to wake up and give it to God. In October we found out we were having another precious little boy. We chose his name and started calling him Andon. On Monday February 2, 2009 my blood pressure started rising. I called the doctor. and they told me to rest and come in to my appointment the next day.
I never made it to that appointment. I woke up in the early morning of February 3rd in excruciating pain. I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew it was bad. I kept blacking out. We got to the hospital and they hooked me up to a monitor- only to tell us our precious Andon had no heartbeat. I was crushed. I was then rushed to an emergency c-section while they worked to save my life. Andon was perfect. At only 34 weeks he was 5lbs and 5oz., 19 inches long, and had a head full of hair. My placenta had abrupted and I was bleeding to death internally. They were able, along with God's will, to save my life. I remember waking up hours later in ICU surrounded by friends and family and saying, "God has a bigger plan, it's ok." Looking back I know it was Him speaking through me b/c there is NO WAY that came from me alone.
Back in February I wrote on my blog, "So many people have said how strong I am... and because I want to be totally honest & really reflect me and my family and our faith and values, I want to tell you all... that I do not feel strong. I feel totally weak and helpless, but I also know that that's ok, because when I am at my weakest that's when God can really work on me. When I am weak and don't feel like I can do anything myself, that's when I have to rely on God the most, which is actually what he wants from us at all times. I went on to say I doubt I will ever know the reason that God wanted Andon back so soon... at least not while I'm on Earth... And that's ok. I am NOT strong. I know I don't have to be, God will be my strength.
I'm not here to tell you this has been easy, but it would be even worse if I didn't have God with me every step of the way. I'm thankful that we have a God who understands...he understands it all. No matter if what we are going through is big or small, no matter how trivial it is, God knows what is on our hearts--and he cares.
Question 2- How has God brought Victory through this?
*I'm not sure that I'm far enough out of this valley to see all of God's victories that have come from Andon's short life. I do feel that many people I know have grown closer to the Lord or even come to know the Lord for the first time after learning about Andon.
Honestly, some days I just want to cry. I want to say, "God I've had enough, I can't take anything else". Who better to understand than God? He gave up His only son for us, for me. He understands my heart ache, all of our heartaches.
I absolutely cannot fathom going through this and not having our Father here to fall into his arms and weep and know that this life isn't the end.
One huge victory is my own personal faith and relationship with Christ. I've had to learn that God is the only way, the only person that can me through. Before this I tried doing things on my own and if that didn't work, then I went to God. Now I go to Him first. I try not to live with in my life only when I need him, but live my entire life FOR HIM.
Question 3- What would I tell someone going through this?
*I would tell someone going through this to find a Christan mentor, someone who has walked the same road ahead of you. My cousin and his wife lost their twins 4 months before we lost Andon. They have been a huge inspiration and help to me. It helps to feel less alone when you have someone who has been there and who knows how you feel.
I would also tell you to let yourself feel the emotions that come. God gave us feelings for a reason. I've learned a lot about myself through my emotions. But you cannot get so lost or caught up in your emotion that you lose sight of God--always keep your eyes on Him, your eyes set on the ultimate goal, Heaven, where you will see your precious baby once again.
They asked me to address 3 questions. I will type those out and then give you my answer so it all makes sense.
When is a time in my life when I have had to totally lean on God?
*In June 2007, my husband Ryan and I decided we were ready to have another child. I never dreamt that it would be anything but easy to have another baby. Boy was I wrong! We tried and tried and tried some more- it just wasn't happening. Anyone who has had to try for a baby knows how each month is a roller coaster of emotions while you are trying to conceive. The only that that got me through each month & each disappointment was God's promise . Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future".
Eight months into the trying, and when I say trying, I mean trying every trick in the book. Anything you've heard of, we tried! After all that we found out I was expecting. I cannot explain the joy that I felt. I was praising God more than ever before. He had answered my prayers and I knew he had heard all my pleas. We told everyone we knew. I was so light-hearted, finally, after eight months of fears & doubts. One week later, at 5 weeks pregnant I started spotting. I had a miscarriage on Valentines Day 2008. I was so lost. I once again clung to scripture. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love, who have been called according to his purpose." I remember going over and over this in my head. I also still put my hope in Jeremiah 29:11 because I know I can trust God and his promises to me.
We started trying again right away. It just wasn't happening for us. I went for a check up in late June. The doctor agreed it was time to start testing to see if there was a specific thing keeping us from having a successful pregnancy. We were to start that testing on July 9th, On July 6th, 2008 we found out we were expecting once again. Wow, what a "God thing"! We were ecstatic, but also this time we were nervous, we knew anything could go wrong. The first 12 weeks were nerve-wracking, each day I had to wake up and give it to God. In October we found out we were having another precious little boy. We chose his name and started calling him Andon. On Monday February 2, 2009 my blood pressure started rising. I called the doctor. and they told me to rest and come in to my appointment the next day.
I never made it to that appointment. I woke up in the early morning of February 3rd in excruciating pain. I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew it was bad. I kept blacking out. We got to the hospital and they hooked me up to a monitor- only to tell us our precious Andon had no heartbeat. I was crushed. I was then rushed to an emergency c-section while they worked to save my life. Andon was perfect. At only 34 weeks he was 5lbs and 5oz., 19 inches long, and had a head full of hair. My placenta had abrupted and I was bleeding to death internally. They were able, along with God's will, to save my life. I remember waking up hours later in ICU surrounded by friends and family and saying, "God has a bigger plan, it's ok." Looking back I know it was Him speaking through me b/c there is NO WAY that came from me alone.
Back in February I wrote on my blog, "So many people have said how strong I am... and because I want to be totally honest & really reflect me and my family and our faith and values, I want to tell you all... that I do not feel strong. I feel totally weak and helpless, but I also know that that's ok, because when I am at my weakest that's when God can really work on me. When I am weak and don't feel like I can do anything myself, that's when I have to rely on God the most, which is actually what he wants from us at all times. I went on to say I doubt I will ever know the reason that God wanted Andon back so soon... at least not while I'm on Earth... And that's ok. I am NOT strong. I know I don't have to be, God will be my strength.
I'm not here to tell you this has been easy, but it would be even worse if I didn't have God with me every step of the way. I'm thankful that we have a God who understands...he understands it all. No matter if what we are going through is big or small, no matter how trivial it is, God knows what is on our hearts--and he cares.
Question 2- How has God brought Victory through this?
*I'm not sure that I'm far enough out of this valley to see all of God's victories that have come from Andon's short life. I do feel that many people I know have grown closer to the Lord or even come to know the Lord for the first time after learning about Andon.
Honestly, some days I just want to cry. I want to say, "God I've had enough, I can't take anything else". Who better to understand than God? He gave up His only son for us, for me. He understands my heart ache, all of our heartaches.
I absolutely cannot fathom going through this and not having our Father here to fall into his arms and weep and know that this life isn't the end.
One huge victory is my own personal faith and relationship with Christ. I've had to learn that God is the only way, the only person that can me through. Before this I tried doing things on my own and if that didn't work, then I went to God. Now I go to Him first. I try not to live with in my life only when I need him, but live my entire life FOR HIM.
Question 3- What would I tell someone going through this?
*I would tell someone going through this to find a Christan mentor, someone who has walked the same road ahead of you. My cousin and his wife lost their twins 4 months before we lost Andon. They have been a huge inspiration and help to me. It helps to feel less alone when you have someone who has been there and who knows how you feel.
I would also tell you to let yourself feel the emotions that come. God gave us feelings for a reason. I've learned a lot about myself through my emotions. But you cannot get so lost or caught up in your emotion that you lose sight of God--always keep your eyes on Him, your eyes set on the ultimate goal, Heaven, where you will see your precious baby once again.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Update
I couldn't get these to post in the right order. Anyway, this is B with his Harley Jacket he got today!
the tattoo is compliments of his uncle joe. it's a "b" :)
B w/ his cake he made for uncle joe's 19th birthday
brycen's new hang out:)
it's really cute!I have not been very good at updating about day to day happenings lately.
Friday evening Rich & Melissa & the boys came for supper and to visit for awhile. It was a nice evening, pretty relaxing.
Saturday morning I had a massage! It was my first time ever. I had gotten a gift certificate for Christmas and hadn't had a chance to use it yet... it was about to expire so I thought I better go. It was so nice! Sonya, my sis-n-law went with me. Afterward, we went to Applebee's for lunch. When I got home I helped Ryan outside w/ more landscape edging. It was so hot and sticky outside! After we were done with that we got cleaned up and all three of us went to Wal-Mart and then to Scoops :). When we got home we had supper (yes, we had ice cream & then supper!). Then we went to play tennis! Otwell elem. is only about 5 min. from our house and they have a pretty nice tennis court so we went there and played. The playground is right by the tennis court so B got to play on the toys while we played tennis. He also got to hit around with us for awhile. He thought he was so cool! He actually didn't do half bad. Ryan and I both played tennis in school so hopefully we'll be able to teach him. They say tennis is a "life sport" b/c you can play at any pace. Lol, I know my pace is a lot slower than it was 5 years ago! haha. Anyway, we had a really good time and we're hoping to do a lot of playing tennis this summer.
Sunday we went to church and then over to Ryan's parents for lunch and to visit. When we got home B & I made a cake for my brother's birthday which we celebrated Sunday night at my parents house.
It was a pretty relaxing weekend and I was glad for that.
Yesterday I was super busy at work. I came home and had so much laundry and house work to do. Ryan got the yard mowed last night and I worked on the house... it seems never-ending... maybe I'm a little too obsessive-compulsive about the house, but I literally cannot sit still if there is stuff to do, it drives me crazy until I get up and do it.
This morning I wanted to stay in bed. I love to sleep when it's storming. Work was crazy again today! B was at my moms. He is staying there this summer. He absolutly loves staying with her and my grandma. today they went to Evansville. He got a new leather Harley Jacket.... and when they asked him where he wanted to eat lunch he said "red lobster"... oh my! We laughed and said we can't let my dad see it b/c he will think B needs a Harley already :)
This post is pretty boring... but I wanted to update!
Tonight my mom, Vanessa, and I are going to Melissa's Thirty-One party. Tomorrow is "the big day". I'm going to Antioch (just to clairfy something I think some misunderstood on my last post about this, is that I do not attend Antioch) to record my testimony. It speaks about my struggle with infertility, my miscarriage, and losing Andon. My parents do go to church at Antioch and that's how I know their pastor, Keith. He is a pretty great guy and I really respect him. He asked me last week if I would be interested in telling my story, about how through hard times, God has still been faithful, and shown himself through these circumstances. I am praying that the words I have prepared are the words that God wants me to share. I hope that glory will be given to God over this. I don't want Andon's life to be in vain and I feel that by sharing his story, our story, maybe someone can get closer to God, or even accept Jesus as their Savior. I will get around to posting it on here... but I'm still a little shy ;)
Anyway, please if you think about it say a prayer that God will speak through me tomorrow while I'm speaking on the video. I'll let ya know how it goes :)
Friday evening Rich & Melissa & the boys came for supper and to visit for awhile. It was a nice evening, pretty relaxing.
Saturday morning I had a massage! It was my first time ever. I had gotten a gift certificate for Christmas and hadn't had a chance to use it yet... it was about to expire so I thought I better go. It was so nice! Sonya, my sis-n-law went with me. Afterward, we went to Applebee's for lunch. When I got home I helped Ryan outside w/ more landscape edging. It was so hot and sticky outside! After we were done with that we got cleaned up and all three of us went to Wal-Mart and then to Scoops :). When we got home we had supper (yes, we had ice cream & then supper!). Then we went to play tennis! Otwell elem. is only about 5 min. from our house and they have a pretty nice tennis court so we went there and played. The playground is right by the tennis court so B got to play on the toys while we played tennis. He also got to hit around with us for awhile. He thought he was so cool! He actually didn't do half bad. Ryan and I both played tennis in school so hopefully we'll be able to teach him. They say tennis is a "life sport" b/c you can play at any pace. Lol, I know my pace is a lot slower than it was 5 years ago! haha. Anyway, we had a really good time and we're hoping to do a lot of playing tennis this summer.
Sunday we went to church and then over to Ryan's parents for lunch and to visit. When we got home B & I made a cake for my brother's birthday which we celebrated Sunday night at my parents house.
It was a pretty relaxing weekend and I was glad for that.
Yesterday I was super busy at work. I came home and had so much laundry and house work to do. Ryan got the yard mowed last night and I worked on the house... it seems never-ending... maybe I'm a little too obsessive-compulsive about the house, but I literally cannot sit still if there is stuff to do, it drives me crazy until I get up and do it.
This morning I wanted to stay in bed. I love to sleep when it's storming. Work was crazy again today! B was at my moms. He is staying there this summer. He absolutly loves staying with her and my grandma. today they went to Evansville. He got a new leather Harley Jacket.... and when they asked him where he wanted to eat lunch he said "red lobster"... oh my! We laughed and said we can't let my dad see it b/c he will think B needs a Harley already :)
This post is pretty boring... but I wanted to update!
Tonight my mom, Vanessa, and I are going to Melissa's Thirty-One party. Tomorrow is "the big day". I'm going to Antioch (just to clairfy something I think some misunderstood on my last post about this, is that I do not attend Antioch) to record my testimony. It speaks about my struggle with infertility, my miscarriage, and losing Andon. My parents do go to church at Antioch and that's how I know their pastor, Keith. He is a pretty great guy and I really respect him. He asked me last week if I would be interested in telling my story, about how through hard times, God has still been faithful, and shown himself through these circumstances. I am praying that the words I have prepared are the words that God wants me to share. I hope that glory will be given to God over this. I don't want Andon's life to be in vain and I feel that by sharing his story, our story, maybe someone can get closer to God, or even accept Jesus as their Savior. I will get around to posting it on here... but I'm still a little shy ;)
Anyway, please if you think about it say a prayer that God will speak through me tomorrow while I'm speaking on the video. I'll let ya know how it goes :)
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