I think my post "Spending Time w/ Family" might of been misunderstood! I didn't mean that I don't like to talk about Andon, or that it is even hard for me to talk about him. At home, he is a part of our daily conversation, every day w/out fail we talk about Andon. We have pictures all around our house and it just seems very natural to talk about him. I also don't mind when others (friends and family like you guys) talk about him or bring him up. I WANT to talk about him, I need to! I need to know that he is real and that people understand that! What I meant was that it's hard to explain when a perfect stranger asks about how mnay children you have. My response I had planned in my head was, I have Brycen and Andon, but Andon is in Heaven now. I was caught so completly off guard though by this well meaning, simple question from a stranger that I froze. Strangers don't normally want to hear every detail about your life, and believe me, when I start talking about Andon, it's not a short conversation :) Sooo! I just wanted to clear that up- I don't want people to be afraid to ask me about him or to talk about him, because that's not weird or hard for me at all! I LOVE talking about him just like I love talking about Brycen.
Also, while on the subject of Andon I wanted to let you all know that my sweet friend Leilanni and her dear family are walking in the March of Dimes walk in memory of our precious Andon! Isn't that the sweetest thing? What a special way to remember our sweet boy AND to raise money for a great cause. If any of you would like to donate to the cause in memory of Andon please go here. Thank you so much :)
Friday, April 17, 2009
Home
My Papaw went home to be with Jesus this morning at a little before eight. I'm grieving b/c I miss him already (we were super close my whole life), but I'm celebrating for him because he is healthy now. He isn't suffering anymore... AND he gets to hold Andon for his first time :) . My heart pounds a little faster just thinking of that.
Last night I stood by my Papaw and held is hand and talked to him for over 30 minutes. I'm so glad I did. It hurt to stand there like that, but now I am sooo glad that I did. I got to hold his hand and I kissed his cheek goodbye and told him I loved him. I told him to go hold Andon for me.
I broke the news to Brycen. I was so nervous because we were getting ready for work/school and we were home... I really wanted Ryan to be there too, but I knew I had to tell him. I just said, "Brycen, Papaw Richard went to Heaven to be with Andon and to hold him." He started to pucker up and cry, but not too much. He got a little mad at me and told me to let him put his own shoes on... but then he wanted to go to daycare. I let him, only because I want him to be comfortable. I want him to be happy and if playing w/ his friends helps him, then thats fine with me... even though I wish I could just sit and hold him all day! On the way to daycare he said, "I'm going to go tell Joey (his bff at preschool) all about my Papaw Richard." Joey's mom just called me and said Brycen seemed happy when she dropped Joey off. That relieved me a little bit.
We are going to the funeral home at 2pm today to make the arrangements. Please pray for us. We Know he is better off, but it's still hard.
Last night I stood by my Papaw and held is hand and talked to him for over 30 minutes. I'm so glad I did. It hurt to stand there like that, but now I am sooo glad that I did. I got to hold his hand and I kissed his cheek goodbye and told him I loved him. I told him to go hold Andon for me.
I broke the news to Brycen. I was so nervous because we were getting ready for work/school and we were home... I really wanted Ryan to be there too, but I knew I had to tell him. I just said, "Brycen, Papaw Richard went to Heaven to be with Andon and to hold him." He started to pucker up and cry, but not too much. He got a little mad at me and told me to let him put his own shoes on... but then he wanted to go to daycare. I let him, only because I want him to be comfortable. I want him to be happy and if playing w/ his friends helps him, then thats fine with me... even though I wish I could just sit and hold him all day! On the way to daycare he said, "I'm going to go tell Joey (his bff at preschool) all about my Papaw Richard." Joey's mom just called me and said Brycen seemed happy when she dropped Joey off. That relieved me a little bit.
We are going to the funeral home at 2pm today to make the arrangements. Please pray for us. We Know he is better off, but it's still hard.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Spending Time with Family
I really don't have much to say or anything to update. This week has mostly just been spent with our family. Tuesday evening Ryan brought his parents camper down to my parents house so that some of our family that was flying in could stay in it. My dad and Ryan got that all set up. People have been bringing over food to my parents like crazy so we stayed for dinner. Two of my grandpa's brothers, Dan & Bill and their wives got in that evening and we visited with them. It was a late night and I was exhausted when we got home, but couldn't sleep, I stayed up and did laundry. Brycen loves having Uncle Dan here. He is one of his favorite people! You might recall a lot of posts last summer/fall about Uncle Dan and Aunt Barb. They always come to stay for a few months and Brycen gets really attached to them. I feel so lucky that even though they live so far away we still get to be so close with them. We actually see them a lot more than we see some of our family that lives close by. Anyway... off the subject--go figure, that seems to happen a lot with me. haha.
Yesterday, Wednesday, my day off, and a favorite day of the week, (who doesn't like days off)... B went to pre-school in the morning (they learned about Noah's ark as a math lesson and made a really great foam ark with Noah and the animals, I'll have to get a picture!). He was really proud and you should of heard him talking about it. He did voices for God & Noah and their conversation about the ark. TOO CUTE! I love how he is such a little sponge and just soaks it all up. I wish my brain worked that well! ha! While he was at pre-school I went and got my hair highlighted. It had been quite awhile and was looking pretty bad... I had been dreading going to get it done though. Besides being with people I know I'm not that fond of being in public anymore or running into people I haven't seen in awhile. It's inevitable that something about Andon will come up. I think it's sweet that people care, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just want to go get my hair done, or get to the store, and be "normal". It's probably my imagination, but it seems like people stare at me. I was talking to a friend here at work the other day and telling her about it, I said it's like, "hey lets stare at the girl whose baby died". She put in much nicer and said people are just curious and probably are wondering whether they should say something or not. Anyway, I got my highlights and my sweet beautician who has done my hair all my life had gotten a little gift for me (a new really yummy smelling candle!). Then I felt bad about being anxious about going... I hope I don't seem like I have a chip on my shoulder- I don't. I just get nervous about what to say or how to react to certain situations. I was at a yard sale and someone asked if Brycen was my only child- now I knew eventually this would happen, but I wasn't ready for it. I froze, I had tears forming, and I just nodded. I didn't/couldn't go into the whole deal that day. Then afterward I felt terrible, like I was ignorning Andon or something. Ridiculous I know, because we all know that I love that little boy sooo much and ache for him every day.
Ok... off the subject again, oops! After getting my hair done I picked up B and we went home and cleaned some. Then we took a nap- I meant to just put him down for a nap, but I fell asleep. We both must of needed it because we slept for 2 and 1/2 hours. When Ryan got home we got ready and went back over to my parents to have supper and visit with the family some more. My grandpa isn't responsive anymore to our voices, and his respirations last night were super low. I don't know that I can see him anymore. The last time I talked to him I told him I love you and he said it back. It's too hard to see him this way, when he doesn't respond, can't even acknowledge your prescence. It's so hard. Every time my phone rings I'm afraid it is "the call". I want to stay home from work and be with my family, but I'm afraid it would get me too down. It's easier to come to work and focus on other peoples problems and deal with them. Last night was another late night getting home from visiting. My mom was helping with my grandpa so I finished up stuff around the house for her, like cleaning the kitchen from supper, making a new pitcher of tea, etc... I know she has her hands full right now with all the family being in and so I just want to help how I can.
I don't know how this is possible, but I just seem to feel like my heart gets fuller every day with love for Brycen. He really just keeps me going. I don't have the time to be depressed b/c him and his funny business just keep me rolling in laughter- even amidst my tears.
Tonight will be more of the same, spending time with my dear family. My heart hurts for them, I know they are each hurting and handeling this in their own way. My dad, I know this is hard on him, he isn't one to show emotion though, but it is his dad, and they've always been so close.
Also, my cousin Todd and his wife Kayla, that lost the twins and are now expecting again, things are going good for them so far. They had an appointment w/ the perinatologist (sp?) on Tuesday and her cerclage is scheduled for this coming Tuesday (the 21st). Please pray for that to go smooth and to have an uneventful 27 more weeks of pregnancy! I am making them supper Tuesday evening for when they get home (it makes me nervous they aren't keeping her over night!). It feels nice to be needed, instead of being the one depending on others.
Yesterday, Wednesday, my day off, and a favorite day of the week, (who doesn't like days off)... B went to pre-school in the morning (they learned about Noah's ark as a math lesson and made a really great foam ark with Noah and the animals, I'll have to get a picture!). He was really proud and you should of heard him talking about it. He did voices for God & Noah and their conversation about the ark. TOO CUTE! I love how he is such a little sponge and just soaks it all up. I wish my brain worked that well! ha! While he was at pre-school I went and got my hair highlighted. It had been quite awhile and was looking pretty bad... I had been dreading going to get it done though. Besides being with people I know I'm not that fond of being in public anymore or running into people I haven't seen in awhile. It's inevitable that something about Andon will come up. I think it's sweet that people care, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just want to go get my hair done, or get to the store, and be "normal". It's probably my imagination, but it seems like people stare at me. I was talking to a friend here at work the other day and telling her about it, I said it's like, "hey lets stare at the girl whose baby died". She put in much nicer and said people are just curious and probably are wondering whether they should say something or not. Anyway, I got my highlights and my sweet beautician who has done my hair all my life had gotten a little gift for me (a new really yummy smelling candle!). Then I felt bad about being anxious about going... I hope I don't seem like I have a chip on my shoulder- I don't. I just get nervous about what to say or how to react to certain situations. I was at a yard sale and someone asked if Brycen was my only child- now I knew eventually this would happen, but I wasn't ready for it. I froze, I had tears forming, and I just nodded. I didn't/couldn't go into the whole deal that day. Then afterward I felt terrible, like I was ignorning Andon or something. Ridiculous I know, because we all know that I love that little boy sooo much and ache for him every day.
Ok... off the subject again, oops! After getting my hair done I picked up B and we went home and cleaned some. Then we took a nap- I meant to just put him down for a nap, but I fell asleep. We both must of needed it because we slept for 2 and 1/2 hours. When Ryan got home we got ready and went back over to my parents to have supper and visit with the family some more. My grandpa isn't responsive anymore to our voices, and his respirations last night were super low. I don't know that I can see him anymore. The last time I talked to him I told him I love you and he said it back. It's too hard to see him this way, when he doesn't respond, can't even acknowledge your prescence. It's so hard. Every time my phone rings I'm afraid it is "the call". I want to stay home from work and be with my family, but I'm afraid it would get me too down. It's easier to come to work and focus on other peoples problems and deal with them. Last night was another late night getting home from visiting. My mom was helping with my grandpa so I finished up stuff around the house for her, like cleaning the kitchen from supper, making a new pitcher of tea, etc... I know she has her hands full right now with all the family being in and so I just want to help how I can.
I don't know how this is possible, but I just seem to feel like my heart gets fuller every day with love for Brycen. He really just keeps me going. I don't have the time to be depressed b/c him and his funny business just keep me rolling in laughter- even amidst my tears.
Tonight will be more of the same, spending time with my dear family. My heart hurts for them, I know they are each hurting and handeling this in their own way. My dad, I know this is hard on him, he isn't one to show emotion though, but it is his dad, and they've always been so close.
Also, my cousin Todd and his wife Kayla, that lost the twins and are now expecting again, things are going good for them so far. They had an appointment w/ the perinatologist (sp?) on Tuesday and her cerclage is scheduled for this coming Tuesday (the 21st). Please pray for that to go smooth and to have an uneventful 27 more weeks of pregnancy! I am making them supper Tuesday evening for when they get home (it makes me nervous they aren't keeping her over night!). It feels nice to be needed, instead of being the one depending on others.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Easter Pictures
Brycen Hunter & his easter basket from us... :)
going straight for that trumpet-- it's a bathtoy he has been wanting
he says "i'm in a marching band" hahah i have no idea how he knows what a marching band is!
he was so excited about this (even though he doesn't look like it in this pic)
the love of my life :)
momma's boy!
hunting eggs at mamaw reece's and papaw rick's!
i was running to take a picture of him and he thought i was trying to get his eggs haha!! we laughed so hard :)
my happy boy :)
my mom put money in his eggs b/c i told her he really didn't need all that candy-- he opened egg after egg and then said "where's the candy?" lol
opening his easter bag from my mom and dad
some new clothes from mamaw reece-- she has good taste :) three shirts from gymboree and a cute one from children's place
We had a pretty good Easter. We went to church with my mom since my poor ol' Dad had to work :(. That man is going to work himself to death, I'm quite sure of it. We had supper that night at my parents. Did the egg hunt-- not too hard for B since he is the only grandchild on that side still. He still had fun though I think. Anything w/ Mamaw and Papaw is fun, right? My Grandpa's brother and his wife have been down since last Thurs. helping with my Grandpa. Brycen was so funny, we told him that Uncle Herman was his Great Great Uncle... he kept saying "well my Great Great Uncle Papaw Herman" lol he thinks any guy w/ gray hair should be his papaw :). On Sunday night I got caught up on my brother's scrapbook that I'm doing for him (b/c my mom doesn't like to scrapbook, but wants one for him and to have out at his graduation party and stuff). I hadn't worked on it since Aug. so I had quite a bit to catch up!! Thankfully, he's a boy and doesn't like to take many pictures, haha!
So the update on my Papaw... well, on Thursday they said they didn't think he would make it through the weekend. It's Tuesday now and he is still here, but it's pretty much an hour by hour thing. Yesterday they said 24-48 hours. Someone has to stay up around the clock with him and give him some sort of meds every two hours to help keep him resting. Everyone is taking shifts staying up and is pretty tired at this point... watching someone slip away is exhausting- physically and mentally for sure. My grandpa's brother's that live out west are flying in this evening. I am dreading telling Brycen when the time comes. I haven't said anything to him right now, because I think it will be easier for him to understand when it's actually happened. Honestly, this is the part I dread most. I am terrified of his reaction. I know that kids are resilient but he has been through SO much. He is so tender hearted he's just already lost so much in the last two 1/2 months. Somehow, I just hope that he will understand. I pray that God will give us the wisdom and words that he would speak to us. Please remember our family once again in your prayers, these next days/week is going to be tough. My hurt hearts, but we forge ahead, with Heaven in our sights! I honestly can't wait for that day.
Last night we took Brycen mushroom hunting. He was so excited, they said it's all he talked about yesterday at daycare. He kept telling them he was going to go hunt "pinecones" haha :). We didn't find much of anything, but had fun out tromping around in the woods anyway. I think I must be out of shape, because my legs are a little sore today! hehe.
I think everyone knows we had our house for sale awhile back? We had it on the market for about a year... lots of lookers, no buyers. We just decided the timing wasn't right to sell and we refinanced back in January to a much better interest rate, saving us quite a bit of money per month. We said we'd try to sell again in a few years. Well, someone has now contacted us wanting to buy our house. WHAT??!! The guy that owns the field behind our house-- it's his grandson. I know the whole family well, actually his grandpa and my grandma grew up together. We talked about it, and decided just to give him the price we want out of it, and he can take it or leave it. We figured he would back off and we said we'd give him the first chance when we do decide to sell (his family all lives right down the road, so location is key to him). Well, the price must not of bothered him, because he called and is coming to look at it this weekend. Kind of scary, we could be homeless... :) hehe. This isn't really "our timing", but hey, nothing ever seems to go by "our timeline" !! :) He may come and not be interested at all, and that's fine too. Please just keep us in your prayers about this as well. I'll keep ya'll updated.
I think that's about all the updating I have... I'm off tomorrow- and I'm getting my hair done! whoo hoo :)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
headache.
I have a headache. Brycen has bronchitis :(. Ryan is going fishing. I have a headache.
Ok, so I'm rambling. I have so much to say, but don't even know where to start, b/c I'm not sure what's even all going on in my head! Last Thursday Brycen started doing bad w/ his asthma, which didn't really surprise me. His is made worse a lot of the times by weather and spring is here, so pollen and other such things induce his and make our breathing treatments more frequent. Not a problem. I'm used to this. Well, over the weekend it only got worse. Not used to that. Monday I decided I better take him to the dr. Diagonosis: Bronchitis :(. No wonder my little guy was feeling bad and needing more breathing treatments than normal. I'm glad I took him- he rarely goes to the dr. b/c I'm one of those parents who just lets him "get over it" on his own, which has actually been good b/c he rarely gets very sick. I felt kind of bad this time for holding out and just thinking it was asthma stuff, but that's really how it first started and presented itself! Anyway- it's really not getting much better, I'm a little worried about him. He is now actually coughing some "junk" up, which I know is good, but he gets choked and it freaks him out (this started last night) and so I feel terrible for him! Sooo it's been a long week with just that going on. Sunday we went up to see my Papaw and say I love you and stuff (he's still holding on, but not good at all, now he's hardly even drinking b/c he gets choked). Brycen could barely get out "love you" to Papaw and then he started bawling and hiding his face. I think it's just a lot for him. My heart is breaking for him still. Last night at small group he kept saying "tell them to pray for my papaw richard". Honestly, I just want to cry. I want to say, "God I've had enough, I can't take anything else right now". It's one thing for me to be heart broken, but to see my precious baby boy be heart broken, I just can't take it!! And who better to understand than God? He gave up his only Son for US. FOR ME. I know he "gets it", I know he knows my heart is breaking. I can't make sense of things, my head is a swirl of thoughts CONSTANTLY, my brain does not rest, which is causing dreams all night long, (well the every 3 hours of breathing treatments and no good rest for the past week isn't helping either) and did I mention I have a headache? I know this post doesn't even make sense... Maybe after I type it all out I'll have some clarity. Sometimes it works that way for me. I have to "see it on paper". I'm not mad at God for any of this. People keep asking me if I'm mad. Do I seem mad?? Because, I'm not one bit mad. Am I upset? Yes. Am I sad? Yes. Am I heartbroken? Yes. Confused? Yes. Worried? Yes (yah i know it's a sin to worry-cut me some slack people). Do I understand all the whys? No. But am I mad? NO. I have nothing to be mad about. Plus, being mad takes too much energy, and I just don't have that kind of energy right now! I can honestly say that if it was only myself I had to worry about I'd be okay. I could handle that. I'm a big girl, I can lean on God and be okay. BUT- I absolutly cannot stand and watch my baby boy have a broken heart. It's killing me!
Okay, so don't get me wrong, most of the time I go through my day/week and I seem "normal". I'm not having meltdowns every day. I don't even cry every day. I'm not depressed. Then I even wonder if that's normal? Shouldn't I be depressed? Shouldn't I cry every day? See, the thing is, I just can't. I have HOPE. Since it's the week of Easter and all I've really been thinking about this. Easter is about LIVING. I have all this going on, and yah, it feels kind of overwhelming at the moment, but I have to stop- and gain some perspective. This life, it's not about me, it's not even about Brycen. It's about God and what His son did on the cross for us. I don't have to make sense of things. What I need to do is bring Glory to God. No matter what situation, no matter what I'm going through, I need to give it to Him. I'm face down, on my knees begging God to help Ryan and I be able to guide B through this rough time in his life and still come out knowing it's okay, God is good. I am so so so thankful that the little man loves Jesus with his whole heart. This morning he was coughing and his eyes were watering and red (allergies) and he said, "please mommy tell God to make it not hurt". That's what I need to remember, to take it to Him first! He didn't ask ME to make it better, he didn't think he could make it better himself, the first thing he thought of was ASKING GOD. Wow, how is it that my four year old is always teaching ME lessons? See, I'm overwhelmed right now, but it just hit me, I'm TELLING God I'm overwhelmed and asking Him to be w/ me, but only after I cry and think what can "I" do to make things better. I need to go to Him FIRST.
I know this post is all over the place. I hadn't posted in awhile, just couldn't make myself. Don't want to sound nutty (which I'm probably accomplishing through this post anyway!). But today I felt compelled. No matter what we're going through, no matter how "overwhelming" it seems, take it to God first. We can't solve our own problems, actually most of the time we make a bigger mess of things trying to do that. Take it to Him. Tell Him you need Him. Seek Him. There is nothing He doesn't understand. I know He is hurting for me right now. I believe that with my whole heart. So, I'm taking my feelings of being overwhelmed to Him. I'm leaving them at the foot of that cross and I'm being thankful for Life.
Tomorrow is Good Friday. I don't want this stress around. I want to LIVE and be free of it. I read a quote that Andrea Boes had said the other day "live each day like it's the best day to be alive" or something to that affect. That's what I'm doing. I know I'm not the only one who tries to solve their or their kids own problems... so I'm challenging each of you to Give it to HIM.
I want each of you to know today how thankful I am for all of you. I know God has brought us together for a special reason. Whether I know you in "real life" or not I am so thankful for you and I love you.
Romans 15:13- May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
This verse says it all. God fills us w/ JOY and PEACE if we TRUST Him. Then we will have HOPE! Doesn't that just make your heart smile? I know it does mine!
You know what? My headache is gone :)
Ok, so I'm rambling. I have so much to say, but don't even know where to start, b/c I'm not sure what's even all going on in my head! Last Thursday Brycen started doing bad w/ his asthma, which didn't really surprise me. His is made worse a lot of the times by weather and spring is here, so pollen and other such things induce his and make our breathing treatments more frequent. Not a problem. I'm used to this. Well, over the weekend it only got worse. Not used to that. Monday I decided I better take him to the dr. Diagonosis: Bronchitis :(. No wonder my little guy was feeling bad and needing more breathing treatments than normal. I'm glad I took him- he rarely goes to the dr. b/c I'm one of those parents who just lets him "get over it" on his own, which has actually been good b/c he rarely gets very sick. I felt kind of bad this time for holding out and just thinking it was asthma stuff, but that's really how it first started and presented itself! Anyway- it's really not getting much better, I'm a little worried about him. He is now actually coughing some "junk" up, which I know is good, but he gets choked and it freaks him out (this started last night) and so I feel terrible for him! Sooo it's been a long week with just that going on. Sunday we went up to see my Papaw and say I love you and stuff (he's still holding on, but not good at all, now he's hardly even drinking b/c he gets choked). Brycen could barely get out "love you" to Papaw and then he started bawling and hiding his face. I think it's just a lot for him. My heart is breaking for him still. Last night at small group he kept saying "tell them to pray for my papaw richard". Honestly, I just want to cry. I want to say, "God I've had enough, I can't take anything else right now". It's one thing for me to be heart broken, but to see my precious baby boy be heart broken, I just can't take it!! And who better to understand than God? He gave up his only Son for US. FOR ME. I know he "gets it", I know he knows my heart is breaking. I can't make sense of things, my head is a swirl of thoughts CONSTANTLY, my brain does not rest, which is causing dreams all night long, (well the every 3 hours of breathing treatments and no good rest for the past week isn't helping either) and did I mention I have a headache? I know this post doesn't even make sense... Maybe after I type it all out I'll have some clarity. Sometimes it works that way for me. I have to "see it on paper". I'm not mad at God for any of this. People keep asking me if I'm mad. Do I seem mad?? Because, I'm not one bit mad. Am I upset? Yes. Am I sad? Yes. Am I heartbroken? Yes. Confused? Yes. Worried? Yes (yah i know it's a sin to worry-cut me some slack people). Do I understand all the whys? No. But am I mad? NO. I have nothing to be mad about. Plus, being mad takes too much energy, and I just don't have that kind of energy right now! I can honestly say that if it was only myself I had to worry about I'd be okay. I could handle that. I'm a big girl, I can lean on God and be okay. BUT- I absolutly cannot stand and watch my baby boy have a broken heart. It's killing me!
Okay, so don't get me wrong, most of the time I go through my day/week and I seem "normal". I'm not having meltdowns every day. I don't even cry every day. I'm not depressed. Then I even wonder if that's normal? Shouldn't I be depressed? Shouldn't I cry every day? See, the thing is, I just can't. I have HOPE. Since it's the week of Easter and all I've really been thinking about this. Easter is about LIVING. I have all this going on, and yah, it feels kind of overwhelming at the moment, but I have to stop- and gain some perspective. This life, it's not about me, it's not even about Brycen. It's about God and what His son did on the cross for us. I don't have to make sense of things. What I need to do is bring Glory to God. No matter what situation, no matter what I'm going through, I need to give it to Him. I'm face down, on my knees begging God to help Ryan and I be able to guide B through this rough time in his life and still come out knowing it's okay, God is good. I am so so so thankful that the little man loves Jesus with his whole heart. This morning he was coughing and his eyes were watering and red (allergies) and he said, "please mommy tell God to make it not hurt". That's what I need to remember, to take it to Him first! He didn't ask ME to make it better, he didn't think he could make it better himself, the first thing he thought of was ASKING GOD. Wow, how is it that my four year old is always teaching ME lessons? See, I'm overwhelmed right now, but it just hit me, I'm TELLING God I'm overwhelmed and asking Him to be w/ me, but only after I cry and think what can "I" do to make things better. I need to go to Him FIRST.
I know this post is all over the place. I hadn't posted in awhile, just couldn't make myself. Don't want to sound nutty (which I'm probably accomplishing through this post anyway!). But today I felt compelled. No matter what we're going through, no matter how "overwhelming" it seems, take it to God first. We can't solve our own problems, actually most of the time we make a bigger mess of things trying to do that. Take it to Him. Tell Him you need Him. Seek Him. There is nothing He doesn't understand. I know He is hurting for me right now. I believe that with my whole heart. So, I'm taking my feelings of being overwhelmed to Him. I'm leaving them at the foot of that cross and I'm being thankful for Life.
Tomorrow is Good Friday. I don't want this stress around. I want to LIVE and be free of it. I read a quote that Andrea Boes had said the other day "live each day like it's the best day to be alive" or something to that affect. That's what I'm doing. I know I'm not the only one who tries to solve their or their kids own problems... so I'm challenging each of you to Give it to HIM.
I want each of you to know today how thankful I am for all of you. I know God has brought us together for a special reason. Whether I know you in "real life" or not I am so thankful for you and I love you.
Romans 15:13- May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
This verse says it all. God fills us w/ JOY and PEACE if we TRUST Him. Then we will have HOPE! Doesn't that just make your heart smile? I know it does mine!
You know what? My headache is gone :)
Friday, April 3, 2009
more random pictures :)
*brycen's swingset got blown over and the ladder was completely destroyed (big huge heavy wooden swingset), so daddy made a new one :) i love having such a handy husband!
those "y's" i was bragging about :)
"be still and know that i am god" the verse i kept and still do keep coming back to after losing andon. i found this sign and thought it would be perfect above a collage of pictures of him!
B playing dr. while daddy was in the ER he thought this mask was really the coolest thing ever :) haha
getting ready to get a haircut from mamaw gizzy :) he loves getting his haircut! i think he is so handsome! i can't believe he is getting so big!
*Wednesday night we had group-it was good as always! This week everyone really got into the discussion which was nice! Sometimes I have something to add to conversations and I hold back and then regret it so I'm really trying not to do that with this group!
*Last night after we got home we ran to Jasper to Home Depot (Ryan finally brought home that bathroom vanity he made and we had to get the new facet and light fixtures for that bathroom (pictures to come). Then we went to Wal-Mart. I was so glad to get walmart out of the way because I was planning on going this evening. Now I can just go straight home-which I am looking VERY forward to!
**Hope everyone has a great weekend! I have a wedding shower tomorrow to go to for my cousin and that's our only plans besides doing stuff around home. I'm so glad for a break from all this running!! Hopefully we can get a lot accomplished outside. Tomorrow we want to get a load of mulch to cover up all our landscaping, it looks pretty bad after the winter! The green house right up the road opens up tomorrow, so we'll be running there to get the mulch. Then I'm sure we'll find plenty of other things to do outside/around the house!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Brycen cheesing-with his grilled cheese sandwich! We went to eat lunch w/ my momma at work.
B & Momma hanging out :)
Yes, he has on pajama's and cowboy boots! His puppies were outside playing and he couldn't wait for me to change his clothes to go outside and play with them! (all the puppies are gone now except the one we're keeping!)
Brycen and Daddy playing ball, not sure who enjoyed this more :)
look at that stance! he sure makes his daddy proud :)
he cut his own food at Mi Pueblo without even being asked to do so! he did a great job too! (Yes, Ryan made fun of me for taking a picture of this!)
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